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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28692600">Hacksaw</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepsiRabbit/pseuds/dannyvhs'>dannyvhs (PepsiRabbit)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Saw (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adam Faulkner-Stanheight Lives, Adam and Amanda are college friends, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Apprentice Adam, Canon Rewrite, Character Death, Hallucinations, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trans Male Character, Trans character written by trans author, minor crossover with Insidious, trans adam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:48:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28692600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepsiRabbit/pseuds/dannyvhs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In Adam's time of a need, the angel of death gave him a second chance at life. As the city is plunged into madness, Adam's life has been given purpose. He knows what he must do, but is he worthy enough to become part of the legacy?</p><p>John Kramer seems to think so.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Adam</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>One day I decided that Adam should have lived. So I sat down and rewrote the entire franchise so he did.</p><p>This story/AU has become my passion project and I hope that it gives enjoyment to others as it has for me.</p><p>Also, Adam's twin brother is Specs from Insidious. He's very minor in the story so I didn't want to make this listed as a cross-over, but he's there!</p><p>Tags will update as the story continues.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Click. Flash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another picture amongst all the others. Another piece of evidence against this man. Another dollar in Adam’s pocket. If you had told Adam a few years ago that he was making his living by exposing the sins of others, he wouldn’t have believed you. His dream had been to become a famous photographer, maybe working for newspapers or magazines. Maybe he’d be good enough to work for National Geographic and get to explore amazing lands around the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only life hadn’t been too kind to the young photographer. Instead of going to college and ending up in a basic job that would lead to bigger and better things, Adam had been slapped hard by the cruelties of reality. His mother had been sick for quite a long time, and around Adam’s junior year of high school, she had finally given in. It had hit quite hard on the Faulkner-Stanheight family and Adam fell into depression that he just couldn’t quite shake afterwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was positive that without the help of his twin brother, Steven, he wouldn’t have made it out of it alive. Steven kept him going and kept him focused on the good parts of life that were left, even if their father was making it hard on them. Their mother’s death had been the worst on their father. He had always been a slightly uptight man when raising his boys, but upon becoming the sole parent, his authority over his children tightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And authority was something Adam hated more than anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had started when Adam first came out as transgender at fifteen. The concept was still something new to society and not many people quite understood it. Steven had accepted him right away, knowing his twin well enough to have seen this coming. What Adam had been preparing for was hatred from their father. However, he had been quite surprised to find his father accepting him as a boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam didn’t know at the time just how horrible that actually would be. Upon being told, his father had replied with one condition. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to be a man, then you’ll be treated like one and be expected to act like one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, Adam had been happy to accept this. It sounded exactly like what he had wanted, and his father definitely lived up to the promise of treating Adam like a boy. Toxic masculinity was alive and well in the Faulkner-Stanheight house. You were expected to work hard, keep your emotions in check, and do things that men were expected to do and in the eyes of his father, photography was not one of those things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By sixteen, Adam was skipping class to go take pictures of pigeons downtown. At seventeen, he was caught smoking in the bathroom and had detention for a week, which he snuck out of frequently. By eighteen, he had somehow managed to graduate on time with everyone else by just barely skidding past the minimum requirements. It was a miracle that Adam had made it and it was one that he and Steven celebrated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What came next was college. Adam and Steven split up, heading to different locations for their studies. He wasn’t completely alone as Scott had gone with him to the same college. After a lot of arguing with his father, Adam had managed to sign himself up as photography major. Things looked like they were going to get better, until it all came crashing down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Depression, nicotine addiction, and his now deep seated rebellion barred the way for Adam and in what felt like a blink of an eye, he was dropping out of college. Adam wasn’t sure if it could get any worse, but his next choice would be the final nail in the coffin. He still had money for the college he wasn’t attending. To this day, he didn’t know what had possessed him to go through with it using that money, but Adam had spent the money getting top surgery. It had been one of the stupidest choices he had ever made, but it wasn’t one he regretted. He only regretted the poor timing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven had helped take care of him in recovery and allowed Adam to live in his off campus apartment for a while, especially after their father had completely disowned Adam. It didn’t matter to him. The old bastard had nothing about him that Adam loved, so as far as he was concerned, Mr. Faulkner-Stanheight was just as dead as Mrs. Faulkner-Stanheight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now here Adam stood at twenty seven in a run down apartment, developing photos of some asshole doctor in a bathroom turned darkroom. Adam had ended up a freelance photographer doing photography for Scott’s newly formed band at first, but soon became a truth seeker. Maybe it was seen as stalking to some, but for Adam, it put food on the table and didn’t affect him. Follow some asshole, take a few photos, get paid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually he was paid by a husband or a wife who were convinced their spouse was cheating on them and needed proof. Once in a while he followed some normal looking dude for an unknown reason, trying to find shady behavior or something that his client could use as blackmail. Adam didn’t give a shit what they did with the photos. He got paid and was kept completely anonymous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The current target? A doctor known as Lawrence Gordon. The man who gave him the job had only said that he had wanted to keep eyes on the good doctor, and Adam had the perfect set of eyes to do just that. The man had sounded crazy, but he paid Adam four hundred dollars up front and two hundred each night he took photos.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam hung up another photo on the line. One of Adam’s favorite games was to imagine what his target’s life was like based on what he saw. He’d try to imagine what kind of person they were. Dr. Gordon seemed like a narcissistic asshole who probably had some kind of god complex because of helping people. Adam had to admit, however, that this Dr. Lawrence Gordon was kinda good looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes Adam would catch himself imagining what life would be like with this doctor. What if he wasn’t an asshole? What if he was actually a huge teddy bear who had a warm laugh? Maybe Lawrence wasn’t actually that bad, but the chances of him ever knowing Adam existed was zero to none. Not to mention he probably would have no interest in him. At least Adam could pretend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A crash in the other room jolted him from his thoughts. Adam left the bathroom and looked around the living room. The lights were on and Adam could not see any intruder. The front door was still locked. He heard another sound coming from the kitchen. Adam slowly moved towards the kitchen, grabbing his baseball bat from near the couch as he passed it. He tried to move as quietly as possible, listening to the sounds. He heard a thud as something seemed to fall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam suddenly moved into the kitchen flicking on the light switch. He quickly drew his bat back ready to strike, when he saw the culprit. Sitting on his kitchen counter was a fat possum eating out a bag of chips that it had ripped open. Adam lowered the bat and his eyes darted over to the kitchen window that connected to the fire escape. The window had been left open just enough for the possum to squeeze through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laughed and sat the bat aside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit, you gave me a heart attack, you little bastard.” Adam walked over to the counter and looked the possum over as it continued to eat his chips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’ve had a good laugh, but it’s time you left.” Adam carefully grabbed it by the scruff and picked it up. Surprisingly, it didn’t seem to fight him. The possum did stiffen up some as Adam carried it back over to the window. He put it out on the fire escape and shut the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See ya, little bastard. Have a nice life,” Adam said walking away from the window. This was the first of many arrivals of the possum in the next five months, and before long, Little Bastard would be sitting on Adam’s shoulders in the dark room while he worked. Adam wasn’t really a pet person, but it was nice to have a friend. Besides, every time he put the possum back outside, it would just show up the next night waiting to be let inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder what he’s like,” Adam said aloud one night as he was working. He looked over the photos of Lawrence from that night. He had followed him from the hospital to a cafe before the doctor had headed back home. Nothing too interesting, but it got Adam dreaming again. He imagined getting coffee with him on a date. He imagined telling shitty jokes and making the doctor laugh, winning him over with his humor and personality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam sighed. “He’d never like someone like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little fingers grabbed onto his flannel and Little Bastard nuzzled at Adam’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s high class, lil bastard. We’re bottom of the barrel. Gutter rats. Just mud on the bottom of his dress shoes. Besides, he doesn’t even know I exist. How the hell am I supposed to talk to him? Hi, I’ve been stalking you these past months, wanna go on a date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam picked up his bag of doritos, his eyes never leaving the photos on the line. He gave a chip to Little Bastard before eating one himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, how the fuck did my life end up like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam saw no good in his life, seeing it as the worst that it could be. He was unaware that this was only the calm before the storm. Adam’s lowest point before the rise to glory. At least, that was what it would become in the end. But like every story’s protagonist, Adam had to struggle before the glory and his struggle began in the late night after another photography session. It came in the form of an intruder, but this time it was not a happy fat possum. Adam hardly got to see the figure before a needle was pressed into his neck knocking him unconscious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Six hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Six hours to descend into Hell itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam blinked his tired eyes as a low groan escaped him. He had no idea how long it had been since he had been abandoned in this fucking room. There was the clock on the wall, and even now he could hear its steady ticking, but the inky black darkness that clung to every corner of the room prevented him from seeing the time. Every inch of Adam’s body ached, especially his shoulder. The bullet wound had gone numb from the pain awhile ago, but the pain would flare up whenever he moved or shifted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laid his head back against the cold tile of the bathroom wall behind him and sighed. So this room really was going to be the room that he died in. Every stupid choice, every cigarette he smoked, every fleeting moment of hope that he could crawl out of the squalor and into a life of artistic pleasure had led to this bathroom and his inevitable demise. Adam wished he had never taken the job against Lawrence, but he had been so hungry that week and he couldn’t pass up another chance at being paid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had already to terms with the fact that no one was coming back for him. Even if Lawrence had escaped, that man who had put them here had surely found him and murdered Lawrence in his time of weakness. There was no way the doctor could defend himself when he was without a foot and bleeding out. It had been too long since Lawrence had left or at least it felt like it had been too long. No one one was coming for Adam and here he would rot just like the forgotten sinks and cracked mirrors that no longer saw the maintenance of people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence,” Adam said into the darkness. “I don’t want to be alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam tried his best to mimic the doctor’s voice. He just needed something to get him through this until his body eventually gave in. All he had left was pretending, just like the many nights he laid in bed pretending his life hadn’t ended up the way it had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Adam, we just have to keep our heads up. There’s got to be a way out of this. I promised I’d bring back help, didn't I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laughed to himself and shut his eyes. “You did, Larry, but you’re not coming back. You’re not fucking coming back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that, Adam. I’m a man of my word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would a man of his word cheat on his wife?” Adam asked with a slight chucked. He opened his eyes slightly and swore he could see Lawrence’s shape in the darkness on the other side of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know as well as I did that I didn’t cheat,” Lawrence replied. “You were there, weren’t you? Besides, you’re not really one to talk about wanting things you can’t have.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I want that damn key so I can get the fuck out of here. Lil Bastard has probably already eaten my entire refrigerator by now,” Adam said, trying to make himself feel better with the joke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence chuckled and stood up from where he sat on the floor. Adam knew that it wasn’t real, but he couldn’t stop the excitement filling him as Lawrence crossed the room and stopped in front of him. Adam looked up at him, unable to supress the stupid hope that this was the real Lawrence coming back for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what you mean and we both know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence crouched down in front of him and Adam felt his breath hitch. He could almost reach out and touch his face. He could feel Lawrence’s eyes studying him as he remained chained to the rusted water pipe. Adam yearned to feel the physical touch of another human being, even if it was pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence,” Adam whispered reaching a hand out to try and touch him. Lawrence simply moved back slightly to be out of reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know why you’re really here, Adam. We both know it. You wanted me more than anything else,” Lawrence said. “You took the job for the money, but once you saw me, you didn’t quit because you wanted me for your own. Admit it, Adam. You’re a hopeless gay man dreaming of a stranger who doesn’t know you exist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears welled up in Adam’s eyes as his hand slowly lowered. Adam had spent his nights dreaming about the doctor, pretending that he could be the one crawling into bed with him at night, but it had always ended the same. He would always force the thoughts down deep inside him away from the light of day, scolding himself for once against fantasizing about Lawrence.  Men didn’t love other men. His father had told him that plenty of times before in his youth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now here he was alone in a forgotten bathroom, hallucinating a man that he had fantasized about in the dead of night before he watched him saw his own foot off and crawl out of the room. Adam was desperate for human contact to the point of madness, and it seemed madness came in the form of a gay awakening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, maybe, maybe I did want you,” Adam said. “But you’d never care for someone like me, Lawrence. You’re a high class doctor and I’m just a shitty photographer who can’t even pay his own rent. I just wanted to pretend someone like you would like a person like me. I knew I should have quit the job. Something felt wrong about it and I should have trusted my gut. I wouldn’t be fucking dying alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam broke down in tears sobbing. He didn’t want to die here. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. All he had ever wanted was another soul to love him, but now he would take anything, even the pure hatred of another person if it meant he would live to see another day. Adam wanted to see the sun again, feel the wind on his face, smell french fries on the air from the boardwalk, feel the touch of another human being holding him. If he was to die, then let Jigsaw return and kill him brutally. Adam would accept anything compared to the agonizing demise he was now fated to have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s sobs slowly subsided as he cried himself out. There were no more tears left inside him and all he could do now was rest his exhausted body and try to forget the cold breath of death on the back of his neck as it watched his sluggish descent. Adam could still feel hallucination Lawrence looking at him judgmentally. Let him stare all he wanted. He wasn’t real and Adam had already come to terms with his sins. He had no idea of if there really was a God, but if there was, Adam wasn’t getting into Heaven. After all, he was already in Hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes fluttered as Adam drifted in and out of consciousness. The blackness around him swirled into different shapes of people. He saw his friends walking away from him into the darkness, Scott waving for him to join them before he gave up and left. He could see the form of Lawrence watching from the other side of the room. Adam had no idea what was real, what was a dream, and what was a hallucination. It all mixed into one state of being. He saw the form of a man in front of him briefly before it blinked out of existence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hand suddenly touched Adam’s cheek and he jumped screaming in fear. This wasn’t a hallucination. He could feel an actual hand touching him. He felt the skin to skin contact and the warmth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice was not Lawrence’s and it threw Adam into complete confusion. It was low and raspy sounding. It almost sounded comforting like a wise grandfather. Despite how real the hand on his cheek felt, Adam was convinced that he was so far gone that this was just another hallucination. After all, when you’re that far gone, why wouldn’t he have physical hallucinations too?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lawrence?” Adam asked, his voice cracking in fear. It was the only thing he could say, despite knowing it wasn’t him. Maybe Lawrence had sent someone like he said? Was it possible that he was still alive somehow? Only, this wasn't the police. This wasn’t an EMT ready to break him out and rush him to the hospital. This was another demon come to torture him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re alive, Adam. You’re alive because of the kindness of another. Most people when given the chance to save themselves over another human being would commit horrible acts, but not this time. Can you say that you would do the same for another, Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know,” Adam’s voice was hoarse and it trembled with fear. “I killed a man. He was going to kill Lawrence and me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you are worthy of the life you possess?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Adam felt like crying again, but he wasn’t sure he had anything else left inside him. His thoughts were a jumbled mess and words tumbled out of his mouth with little thought behind them. “Please, I-I just wanted to pretend someone like Lawrence would like someone like me. I just wanted to pretend to be happy for once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like that second chance to be happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked up at the man in front of him to find the face from before staring back at him in the darkness. The supposedly dead man who had risen from the floor had returned, only this time he was clean of blood and merged right into the shadows. He was the angel of death here to collect Adam’s soul. In that moment, Adam was positive he was going to die at the hands of this man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Adam was at peace with that thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I going to die?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You will live, Adam. I want you to become my apprentice. I will free you from the sins that shackle you and give you new life, but only if you are willing to work for it. Are you willing, Adam? Will you help me in helping others like you see the value in their lives?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of this made sense. Adam couldn’t make heads or tails of what he was being told. He was being spared and in return, he would sell his soul to the devil. What did Adam really have to lose? His life? At this point, Adam would be happy to be murdered and be released from his brain. Outside this bathroom, Adam was a fuck up in the eyes of society. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Help people?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most people do not appreciate the lives that they’ve been given, but not you. Not anymore. You can free others of their suffering, Adam. You can save them from the pain you’ve felt. Would you like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam found himself nodding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man moved and Adam heard a click sound before the shackle on his ankle was removed. Adam reached down and felt his freed foot. This wasn’t a dream. Adam was actually free of the chain. He looked back up to the man who had set him free. He was holding out a hand to help him stand up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome to your new life, Adam. We have a lot of work to do.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Sound of Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The gentle beep of a heart monitor started coming into focus as Adam began to wake up. His whole body ached and he groaned, blinking against the daylight. The fuzzy shapes in his vision began to take the form of a hospital room. He looked around confused before his mind caught up with him. He quickly sat up in fear as he realized he was no longer in the dark bathroom.</p><p>Adam looked around the room finding himself alone. On the table next to his hospital bed were flowers and two cards reading some kind of “get well soon” message on them. How did he get here? He didn’t remember the police arriving or anyone finding him. In fact, it was really hard to remember much of anything right now. His memory about his time in the bathroom blurred together into one confusing mess.</p><p>The door to his room opened and Adam jumped looking over. A nurse in hospital scrubs came in, her brown hair pulled back in a tight ponytail.</p><p>“Oh, Mr. Faulkner, you’re awake!” she said cheerfully. “I’ll inform the doctor so he can give you an examination. Do you need anything?”</p><p>Adam’s mouth was dry and it hung open as he tried to process what was happening. He had a million questions that he wanted to ask, but none of them seemed to make it to his mouth. All he managed to croak out was, “Water.”</p><p>The nurse nodded. “Police are waiting to ask you a few questions. Should I send them in?”</p><p>Adam found himself nodding. He might as well get this over with. He hoped that this could also answer some of his questions too. The nurse left, leaving him alone again. Adam sighed and laid back in his bed, unsure of what to do other than wait. In time, the nurse returned with a cup of water with a straw. Behind her was a woman with curly brown hair in professional clothing. Probably a detective.</p><p>Adam took the water cup and sipped on it. He shut his eyes and was unable to stop the moan of delight as he tasted the sweet water. It was cold and clean and filled him with life. The detective stood at the end of his bed watching.</p><p>“Hello Adam, my name is Detective Kerry,” She said. “I’m with the homicide unit. I have a few questions about what happened to you.”</p><p>Adam watched her, still drinking his water. </p><p>“Homicide?” Adam finally asked. “But I’m not dead. Lawrence isn’t-”</p><p>Adam stopped as he suddenly remembered. He sat up more beginning to panic. </p><p>“Lawrence! Where is he!? Oh my god, is he alive? I have to see him!” He tried to get out of bed, but the nurse kept pushing him back into the bed after taking his cup from him.</p><p>“Mr. Faulkner! You have to stay in bed!” She said firmly.</p><p>“Lawrence!” Adam was beginning to get hysterical. The memory of Lawrence cutting his foot off played in his mind. The painful screams, that horrible crunching sound, Lawrence’s bloody hand reaching for Adam as their foreheads finally touched while Adam sobbed. He had to know if he was alive. He had to see him again. </p><p>“Adam, please relax,” Kerry said. “Lawrence Gordon is also being treated at the hospital. Both of you were dropped off a day ago at the hospital.”</p><p>“A day ago?” Adam asked. “I’ve been unconscious for a day?”</p><p>“You were in poor health, Adam. You were extremely dehydrated, not to mention the gunshot wound in your shoulder,” Kerry said gesturing to his right shoulder.</p><p>Adam’s eyes followed to find it bandaged and cared for. He didn’t see the familiar bloody shirt, but rather clean bandages and a patient gown. He lightly touched his shoulder. The nurse offered him his water cup again, trying to distract him from the wound. Adam took it again and immediately drank from it once more.</p><p>“Now then, in your own words, can you tell me what happened?” Kerry asked. Adam laid back in the hospital bed as all the memories creeped back up to the front of his mind. </p><p>“I woke up submerged in a tub,” Adam said. “And I was chained to this pipe.”</p><p>Adam recalled the entire event to the best of his memory. There were a few times he paused and had to collect himself before continuing. Thankfully, Detective Kerry didn’t pressure or push him. </p><p>“I don’t remember how I got here,” Adam said. “It’s hard to remember much of anything after Lawrence left.”</p><p>“Do you know who did this to you?” Kerry asked.</p><p>“Lawrence said they called him Jigsaw,” Adam said. “I think that’s who did it. I don’t know. I trust him though. Please, can I see Lawrence? I just need to know he’s okay.”</p><p>Detective Kerry looked over at the nurse.</p><p>“I’ll see if he’s available for visitation,” she said before leaving the room. Adam’s attention turned back to the detective, who was still watching him. There was a moment of silence before Adam questioned her.</p><p>“Are you going to keep staring at me like that or do you have more questions for me?”</p><p>“You’re lucky to be alive, Adam. Not many people have survived Jigsaw’s games.”</p><p>“I know, I didn’t think I would ever get out.”</p><p>“Did you see anyone else while you were locked up? You mentioned another person who came in after Lawrence sawed off his foot,”</p><p>“Yeah, Lawrence said his name was Zep, but he was forced into this game too. I thought he was Jigsaw, but he’s not. I think I killed him. Oh god,” Adam’s voice trembled as he realized what he had done. “He tried to shoot Lawrence. I hit him with the toilet tank lid over and over and over. I..I thought I was going to die.”</p><p>Adam looked up at her terrified. Was he going to be charged for murder?</p><p>“I didn’t- I mean, I thought-”</p><p>“It’s alright, Adam,” Detective Kerry said. “You aren’t being charged for anything. All of you were victims of Jigsaw’s sick game. We know the kind of things that he forces people to do. You aren’t the first.”</p><p>The door to his room opened and the nurse from before entered.</p><p>“Dr. Gordon has agreed to let you visit him. Sit up please,” She said. She had what looked like a sling in her arms. Adam sat up and she took his water cup, putting it on the side table. Carefully, the nurse hooked the sling around Adam’s shoulder and put his right arm in the sling to better support his shoulder. She helped Adam stand up from the bed. His legs were weak and he felt them shake as he stood there.</p><p>“Adam,” Detective Kerry started.</p><p>“I’m done answering questions.” </p><p>With the help of the nurse, Adam walked over to the door, leaving Detective Kerry behind in the room. Once he got himself moving, Adam had no problem following the nurse down the hall. He was still barefoot, but now his left ankle was bandaged. Everything felt like a dream as he walked down the hall. People passing by him, going about their normal lives. Were any of them real? He wanted to reach out and touch a doctor that walked past him to make sure, but he kept himself from it. Everything was so clean here. So white and pristine. It was beautiful.</p><p>The thing Adam loved the most however, were the voices. He could hear people talking all the time. There was no silence here or darkness. There were so many people. It felt like a brand new world around him, one that was beautiful and full of life. Adam wanted to laugh and run around like a kid. He wanted to roll in the grass and feel the warm sun on his face. He was alive and Lawrence was alive. They had given the middle finger to that twisted psycho’s game and lived.</p><p>“Alright, he’s in here,” The nurse said, stopping at a door. Adam’s heart was hammering nervously in his chest. Lawrence was on the other side of that door. What would he say? Would he be happy to see Adam? Would he be angry? What if Lawrence blamed him for everything that happened to them? The nurse opened the door and headed inside first. </p><p>“Dr. Gordon, Mr. Faulkner is here to see you,” she said. Adam peeked around her to see Lawrence sitting up in bed with a newspaper. He folded it up and sat it aside.</p><p>“Ah, good,” Lawrence said. “Could you please give us some time alone?”</p><p>The nurse nodded and left, shutting the door behind her. Adam stood there, unable to look away or move. Lawrence’s face looked bright and healthy with all the color returned to his cheeks. The dirt had been cleaned off him and now Adam could see Lawrence for what he really was. He was gorgeous. </p><p>“Adam?” Lawrence asked. </p><p>Adam didn’t reply, but his voice snapped him out of his trance. He walked over to the bed and took a seat in the chair next to it. Adam hesitated a moment before he reached up with his good hand moving it towards Lawrence’s face. He needed to know.</p><p>“What are you-” </p><p>Adam gently laid his hand against Lawrence’s cheek. He could feel his warmth and the softness of his skin. Lawrence was real. He was here and he was real. Adam’s lip quivered and he broke down crying. His hand fell away and into his lap as he hunched over sobbing. </p><p>“Adam, hey,”</p><p>Lawrence sat up more in his bed and put a hand on Adam’s shoulder.</p><p>“Adam-”</p><p>Adam threw his arm around Lawrence hugging him, his sobs growing louder. Lawrence said nothing in return and simply hugged him back. Adam could feel one of Lawrence’s hands holding the back of his head. </p><p>“It’s alright, now,” Lawrence said softly. “I promise, Adam. We’re okay now.”</p><p>Adam moved back and pressed their foreheads together. The tears continued to run down his cheeks, but he was starting to calm down. </p><p>“You came back,” Adam said, his voice trembling. Lawrence said nothing at first, hesitating. </p><p>“Adam, I didn’t free you,” Lawrence said. “I don’t know how we got here.”</p><p>“B-But you’re here,” Adam said. “You’re real.”</p><p>Lawrence chuckled some in surprise. “Well, of course I'm real. Why wouldn’t I be real?”</p><p>“I thought you were there, but you weren’t. You talked to me, but you weren’t there. I knew it wasn’t you. Lawrence, I thought you died. I thought I was going to die. Oh fuck, you’re really here.” Adam felt like he might cry again. </p><p>“Adam, I’m sorry for what I did,” Lawrence said, his hand running over the bandaged shoulder. “I thought-”</p><p>“It’s okay. You have a family. They need you. No one would miss me if you did kill me.”</p><p>“Surely you have family too?”</p><p>Adam shook his head. “Mom’s dead. Dad disowned me. Brother lives in LA. I’m single.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,”</p><p>“Don’t be. I’m nothing. I shouldn’t even be alive.”</p><p>“Yes you should be. I wasn’t going to kill you, Adam. You know that. What I did was stupid. It was stupid desperation. Thank God you’re still alive.” </p><p>Lawrence gently rubbed Adam’s back as they kept their foreheads pressed together. Adam didn’t know if Lawrence was just trying to comfort or if he was taking any comfort in their closeness himself. A horrible thought crossed Adam’s mind. This might be the last time he ever saw Lawrence again. After this, they’d go their separate ways back to their different lives. Lawrence would soon forget all about Adam and Adam would be alone again in that shit hole apartment.</p><p>“Lawrence,” Adam whispered.</p><p>“Yes?” Lawrence asked. </p><p>Adam swallowed. He felt panic and desperation rising up inside him making his mind go blank. He didn’t want to lose Lawrence again. He couldn’t lose him again. A whimper rolled out of Adam’s throat unconsciously. </p><p>“Adam?” Lawrence asked with concern. “Are you alright?”</p><p>Lawrence was so close to him. He was real and talking to him. Physical and beautiful and real. He was everything Adam ever dreamed of and now Lawrence knew who he was and he wasn’t pushing him away in hatred or disgust. He wasn’t a hallucination in the darkness or a daydream that Adam would get lost in anymore. He needed Lawrence and he couldn’t let him leave again. Adam wasn’t sure if his heart could take it. </p><p>Adam pressed his lips against Lawrence’s kissing him firmly.</p><p>The kiss lasted only a moment and the two separated. Lawrence looked at Adam in complete shock. Fear rose up inside Adam the realization set in. He had just kissed Lawrence. Lawrence, the man he had been trapped in a bathroom for six hours with. Lawrence, another man. </p><p>“L-Lawrence, I can explain!” Adam said quickly. </p><p>“You’re bisexual, aren’t you?”</p><p>Adam stuttered out gibberish unsure of how to respond properly. Finally, he managed a high pitched and unsure, “Sorta?”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Lawrence said with a sigh. “Trauma makes us do weird things.”</p><p>“Yeah, but, but I can explain! I didn’t, I mean, fuck,”</p><p>“Adam.”</p><p>Adam shut his mouth.</p><p>“I’m a doctor. I’ve seen people react to trauma or horrible events. You already said you didn’t have any family, what we went through together was definitely a traumatic experience, and considering we both thought the other was dead, it seems perfectly natural for you to respond in that way. There’s a reason the phrase, ‘I’m so happy I could kiss you’ exists.”</p><p>“So you’re not angry with me?” Adam asked.</p><p>“No, I’m not, but you have to understand that there’s nothing else to this. I’m a married man, Adam.”</p><p>“Don’t remind me,” Adam mumbled. </p><p>The door to the room opened and a different nurse hovered in the door. </p><p>“Mr. Faulkner, it’s time to go back to your room. The doctor wants to give you an examination to make sure you're healing properly,” She said. </p><p>Adam looked back at Lawrence, who gave a nod.</p><p>“Go on,” Lawrence said.</p><p>“Will I ever see you again?” Adam asked, unable to hide the desperation in his voice. Lawrence shrugged.</p><p>“Maybe, maybe not. Might see you if you end up in the hospital again, but please try not to, okay? I don’t really want you being one of my patients.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because then it would mean you have cancer, Adam. I’m an oncologist.”</p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>The nurse came up behind Adam signalling that his time with Lawrence had come to an end. His heart was breaking. Adam stood up from the chair, unable to keep his eyes off Lawrence.</p><p>“Bye, Lawrence,” Adam said softly.</p><p>“Goodbye, Adam.”</p><p>Adam started heading towards the door, but stopped and turned to face Lawrence.</p><p>“Be good to your wife, Larry. She’s an awfully lucky woman to have someone like you.” Adam smiled trying to be positive. He could feel tears rising again and Adam quickly turned away to keep Lawrence from seeing them. He heard the door shut behind him before a hand rested on his arm as the nurse guided him back down the hall to his room. Adam was finally free of Jigsaw with the piece of mind knowing Lawrence was alive. Now everything could begin going back to normal.</p><p>So why did Adam feel so empty inside?</p><p>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. First Steps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Police are reporting yet another potential Jigsaw killing bringing the total to five Jigsaw games discovered by authorities just this week. Authorities are still at a loss of the identity of the Jigsaw killer and urge citizens to be home by sundown and report any suspicious behavior.” Adam barely focused on the news report. His head was swimming and everything around him felt unreal. He took another drink of his beer and reached for the bag of chips next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of the bag, he felt fur. Adam looked over to see Little Bastard with his head shoved into the chip bag. Adam grabbed a hold of the possum’s tail and dragged him out of the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Save some for me, fatass,” Adam said. He picked up the chip bag moving it away from the possum. Little Bastard climbed onto Adam’s lap trying to get to the bag, but Adam kept pushing him away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ain’t you supposed to eat like bugs and shit?” Adam asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A buzzing caught his attention as his phone began to go off on the coffee table. He reached over and looked at the caller ID.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Scott</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam hit ignore and tossed his phone back onto the coffee table. Scott had been trying to call Adam repeatedly and while Adam did owe him an explanation for why he bailed on that photoshoot, he just couldn’t face Scott’s rage right now. While any other person would immediately forget the photoshoot upon hearing that Adam was kidnapped and tortured, Scott would only belittle Adam and make him feel awful for not showing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes Adam honestly wondered why he was friends with Scott still, but it always came back to the fact that Adam’s only real friends were Scott and his twin, Steven. There were some acquaintances here and there due to Scott’s friend circle and past photography jobs, but nothing legitimate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned his attention back to the tv. He really should change the channel. He was so tired of hearing about all of this Jigsaw shit. Adam looked around trying to find the remote, but his brain could barely process what was happening. He couldn’t make the connection between what he was seeing to what it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-good amongst all this tragedy. Local church St. Mathew’s has volunteered to host a group self-help therapy session for those who have been impacted by these horrible events. There will be sessions for both survivors and the families of those who have been lost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked back to the television seeing it change to an interview with some woman. Under the video read her name and her official job title. She was some professional therapist or psychiatrist. Adam couldn’t quite register what it said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re hoping that by offering these sessions we can give peace of mind to those suffering and try to create some good amongst all the bad,” The woman said. “Sessions are and always will be free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe therapy wouldn’t be that bad of an idea. Maybe meeting other people who were hurting like this could actually turn things around for Adam. At the least, he might be able to find some way to help him sleep other than a six pack of beer. He wrote down the information on a piece of paper before laying back down on the couch. Adam finished the beer he had and threw the can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enougha this shit, lil bastard. Why don’t we watch sumthin’ better?” Adam asked, his words slurring together. He felt around for the remote and once he found it, he changed it over to another channel where some ER drama was playing. Before long, Adam was asleep on the couch. For once, he did not dream that night. </span>
</p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Adam’s hand laid on the door handle to the multipurpose room of the old church. He knew he was in the right place. He had seen the fliers in the hallway pointing towards this door, advertising the Jigsaw victims group therapy session. However, Adam couldn’t get himself to open the door. He knew that everyone on the other side of this door was just like him. There were so many other victims, but his fear was getting the better of him. Something about people made him uneasy, yet, being around people was also very calming since Adam knew he wasn’t alone when he could hear voices from those around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam sucked in a breath and opened the door. He could hear the soft chattering of voices as people exchanged small-talk waiting for everyone to arrive. It helped ease some of his anxiety. To the left of the door was a table with refreshments. It was a nice gesture, but Adam would pass for now. The last thing he wanted to do was eat cheese and crackers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chairs were set up in a circle near the middle of the room and Adam could see some people had already taken their seats, while others lingered by the refreshments. Adam headed inside, trying to keep from being seen. He really did not feel like trying to make small-talk with strangers. He just wanted to get through this session without any incidents and go home. He bee-lined for the ring of chairs and took a seat in the nearest empty chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hugged himself, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He tried to look around to get a sense of who all was here. A few of the faces were familiar after Adam had seen them on the news when their games had been reported. It was hard to imagine that all of these people had been through a similar hell as the one that continued to haunt Adam day in and day out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all looked like normal people, but Adam also looked like a normal person to any onlooker. Each one of them had their sins and their reasons to be tested. Now they all were left alone, struggling with the memories while trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild their lives into something worth living. Adam wasn’t sure how Jigsaw expected them to be better people after what he put them through. He had only been managing to sleep by drowning the memories in cheap beer and nicotine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not to mention, the money was running out. There were no more photography jobs to keep food in his fridge and the lights on. He was back to going to bed hungry and now he had the hospital breathing down his neck for their share. His mailbox was full of bills and notices of late fees. Adam just piled them up on the counter next to the toaster. There wasn’t anything he could do after all. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was put out on the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” A voice asked next to Adam. It startled him out of his anxiety filled thoughts. He looked up to the speaker and his eyes widened. Staring back at him equally surprised was Lawrence Gordon. He was dressed in a nice looking suit and had a cane in his right hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,” Lawrence smiled, a slight laugh in his voice as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, uh, do you need help?” Adam asked, getting up from his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I’m alright, thank you,” Lawrence said, starting to sit down in the empty seat next to Adam’s. Despite his reassurances, Adam still took hold of Lawrence’s arm and helped him into the chair. Once he was seated, Adam took a seat in his chair again. He scooted a bit closer to Lawrence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I could ask you the same question,” Lawrence replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you know, just uh, mingling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mingling? At a survivors therapy meeting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we all got at least one thing in common, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence laughed in response. Wait, did he actually find that funny? Adam chuckled some as Lawrence continued to laugh. Holy shit, he actually thought Adam’s joke was funny! Adam couldn’t blow this. If God was real, then he was giving Adam a second chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, uh, how have you been?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well-” Lawrence started, but was cut off by a woman walking over to the circle of chairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, everyone. Let’s get started. Please take your seats. My name is Doctor Shannon Hansen. I see we have some new faces and I welcome you to the group and I’m proud of your bravery to join us today. It can be very hard to take those next steps into recovery. We’ll go around the circle and have everyone introduce themselves. You’re welcome to share a little bit about yourself, but it’s not required.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group went around giving their names, and some gave their job or their favorite hobby. Everyone seemed so normal. An accountant. A secretary. Normal jobs and normal people. All broken people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My name is Lawrence Gordon. I’m an oncologist,” Lawrence said. He then looked at Adam and gave a slight nod with a smile. Adam swallowed, rubbing his upper arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’m Adam. I’m a photographer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome, everyone,” Dr. Hansen said. “Now, here’s how tonight’s meeting is going to be structured. If you wish to share with the group your experience, you will be able to. This is a safe space and the first major step in recovery is to face the trauma and work through it. If you do not wish to share, that’s perfectly alright. After, we’ll update what our situations are and what your biggest current struggle is. From there, we’ll work out a goal for each one of us to complete this week. Would anyone like to start us off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam felt like disappearing. He knew no one was looking at him, but it felt like all eyes were on him. Thankfully, someone spoke up and was willing to go first so Adam didn’t have to worry about being asked. They began to share their story of their experience, going into detail about how they were pitted against a co-worker. They described the gruesome details of the things they had to do to survive, trying not to cry as they relived the event. Adam tried to not listen to it, but their words were only bringing back his own memories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. His chest felt heavy. It was hard to breathe. Adam looked around at the other victims, looking for any sign that this was happening to someone else, but everyone had their attention on the person sharing. Adam’s body felt cold as blinding fear began to hit him. He shifted his foot and heard a clinking sound. He quickly looked down to find a cuff and chain on his left foot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam quickly shut his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. He looked at his foot again to find the cuff was no longer there, but he could still feel the weight of it around his ankle. The voices of those around him began to disappear into muffled sounds. The wood floor became tile right before his eyes. He looked up and saw only the bathroom. No therapy session or chairs. His breathing increased and Adam sat up straight as his body trembled. He shut his eyes, praying that it would all go away. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam opened his eyes and saw Lawrence looking over at him concerned. The group was still focused on a person sharing their story, but it had moved onto another person. Lawrence, however, had his attention fully on Adam. Adam quickly looked around. He was in the church again. He wasn’t alone. It had all been a hallucination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?” Lawrence asked again, leaning over some to get a little closer to the younger male. Adam didn’t respond. He got up from his chair and quickly headed for the door. He heard the voices stop as they noticed him, but Adam didn’t stop walking. He opened the door and went out into the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quiet out here and Adam leaned against the wall panting. He looked down at his trembling hands as tears filled his eyes. Why did this have to happen? Why did Jigsaw have to pick him? Was Adam really that horrible of a person? Tears rolled down his cheeks and his chest heaved as he cried. This wasn’t what he wanted. His life had already been horrible before and now Adam had reached complete rock bottom with no end in sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam reached into his pocket and took out a cigarette, putting it between his teeth. He struggled to light it, clicking his lighter a couple times. His hands were shaking too badly and his vision was blurred from the tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need some help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned to see Lawrence, the door closing behind him. Adam looked back down to the lighter in his hands and without a word, he handed it to Lawrence. With one click, Lawrence lit the lighter and lit the end of Adam’s cigarette. The sweet smoke burned at his lungs and could already feel that nicotine entering his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Larry,” Adam said pocketing the lighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. That was a bit intense, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Don’t think I’m ready for group therapy yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence shifted his weight more onto his cane. “Would you be ready for just a one on one talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t afford real therapy, Larry. Only here cause it’s free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean a one on one with me, Adam. Why don’t we go get a coffee or something and catch up?” Lawrence offered. “I’ll pay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure about that? You’d wanna be seen with me?” Adam asked. He wondered if Lawrence remembered Adam’s little stunt in the hospital. Was this his way of trying to relieve that awkward tension between them? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely. I’d like to know you better, Adam, and not in a high stress environment,” Lawrence said. “I think the two of us have been through enough stress lately.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam smiled some. “I think I’d like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam offered Lawrence his arm and Lawrence took it with a smile. The two of them headed outside to Lawrence’s car and in a few minutes, Lawrence was pulling into the parking lot of a local coffee shop. Adam had never been here before, but he had walked by it plenty of times. It always looked cozy and inviting, but he had just assumed it would be too expensive for him. Lawrence got out of the car and Adam helped him to the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, they were sitting across from each other with two mugs of coffee. Adam stirred his coffee with his spoon as he began to space out. He hadn’t expected to find Lawrence again after the hospital and he definitely hadn’t expected to find Lawrence in such a good mood. The doctor should have hated Adam after what happened. It was his fault Lawrence ended up losing his foot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been holding up?” Lawrence asked. Adam shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh you know, same as always. Nightmares keep me awake now so that’s pretty great. What about you? How’s your wife and daughter doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Alison divorced me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was already about to happen, Adam. I don’t think anything could have stopped it. We’re on good terms, which I’m grateful for. She seems happier now and if being away from me makes her and Diana happier then I’m alright with it,” Lawrence said. He took a drink of his coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re giving up just like that?” Adam asked. “No resentment? No wishing she’d come back to you? I mean, I’d be a bit upset if I went through all that and my partner just up and left me. Fuck, I’d think something like that would bring you together as a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d think, but it did the opposite. It tore apart what little was left. It’s just me now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence, I’m really sorry to hear that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me more about your situation, Adam. I feel like I hardly know you despite it all. I know you told me you don’t really have any family, but your friends should be happy that you’re back safe and sound, right?” Lawrence sounded so positive. It was just another reminder how different the two of them were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, not really. Lil Bastard was definitely excited to see me and Scott won’t quit calling me, but I just don’t have the energy to deal with his asshole nature,” Adam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pardon me, but Little Bastard?” Lawrence asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s my pet possum.” Adam reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He pulled up photos he had taken of Little Bastard. “He’s a piece of shit and I love him dearly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s definitely quite the pet you got there, Adam,” Lawrence said. “What about this Scott guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Scott Tibbs. He’s been my best friend since I was a kid, but he’s always been an asshole. Kinda pushes people around and wants things his way. I was supposed to do a photoshoot for his band before I was kidnapped and I just am not really in the mood to have him yell at me for missing the session.” Adam rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ask me, I’d say you need a better best friend, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but he’s all I got, Larry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you have me now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was thrown off guard. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said you have me now, Adam. Perhaps it’s some kind of trauma bonding, but I’d like to do this more often. There’s something about you that I quite like, but I can’t put my finger on it. You’re just very unique, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam felt his face heat up. “You think I’m unique?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence reached into his coat pocket and put a card on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever need anything, Adam, please don’t hesitate to call me and I mean anything. Whether you need someone to talk to or are struggling in other ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam picked up the card. It was Lawrence’s business card with his phone number on it. He looked up at Lawrence before he pocketed the card. Adam couldn’t hide the smile on his face. He felt warm inside and it wasn’t the coffee. Something about this whole situation just felt good. The idea of Lawrence caring about Adam made him feel happy. He felt wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Larry, d’ya think we could maybe go for coffee again sometime?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m counting on it.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Chance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adam’s throat burned as he threw up in the alleyway, his palms flat on the brick wall of the building. His nose ran and his eyes watered as nothing but liquid came back up. It was past midnight, far into the early morning hours. Adam had once again been unable to sleep and found himself wandering the streets at night until his feet led him into a bar. There he drank until his vision blurred and the bartender cut him off. </p><p>There was so much emptiness inside Adam and no matter how much alcohol he poured into it, the hole just wouldn’t fill up. His peace of mind had been the only thing Adam had left and Jigsaw had ripped that away from him. There was now darkness in every person that passed Adam by. Any one of them could be plotting horrible things, doing horrible things, and there was no way for Adam to know. </p><p>The paranoia and memories were enough to deal with, but Adam also had hallucinations and PTSD attacks on top of that. The only good thing he had left to cling to was seeing Lawrence at the coffee shop for their weekly one-on-one meetups. He still had no idea why Lawrence bothered wasting his time on Adam, but at this point Adam would selfishly take any and all attention he could get. </p><p>Lawrence was the only thing that ever kept Adam going, even before the event. Adam’s pretend world was his safe haven and he desperately wanted to go back to that world where things were safe. He wanted to go back to pretending his life was better than it was instead of being forced to face reality. He wanted to pretend again.</p><p>Adam reached into his coat pocket and fished out his cellphone. He flipped it open and went into the contacts. There were only three numbers saved. Steven, Scott, and Lawrence. He scrolled down to the last one and pressed the call button before holding it to his ear. It rang a few times before a tired voice answered.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Larry? Larry, it’s uh, it’s Adam.”</p><p>“Adam? It’s three in the morning. Is something wrong?”</p><p>Adam tried to reply, but all that came out was a pathetic whimper. </p><p>“Adam? Adam, talk to me, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I can’t handle it, Lawrence,” Adam said. “I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I-I keep seeing that fucking bathroom and hearing the chain. I just want it to stop. Please, Lawrence, make it stop.”</p><p>“Adam, where are you? I’ll come get you.”</p><p>Adam could hear the urgency in Lawrence’s voice as he woke up more. He stumbled back away from the wall and looked around for anything that could tell him where he was. The shops lining the sidewalks had long since closed leaving their signs dark. Adam rubbed his face trying to make himself focus. </p><p>“I, um, I was at a bar,” Adam said. “Mac’s bar, I think.”</p><p>“Stay there, alright? I’ll be there in a few minutes.”</p><p>“Lawrence, I’m sorry,” Adam’s voice cracked as he began to cry. He couldn’t control his body’s reactions and the words fell from his mouth without any thought behind them. The alcohol had completely removed Adam’s filter and heightened his emotions. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Adam continued on. “It’s all my fault. You lost your foot cuz’a me, and you lost your family. You shouldn’t be spendin’ time with me, Larry. I’m such a shitty person,”</p><p>“Adam, it’s alright, I promise,” Lawrence assured him on the phone. </p><p>“No! It’s not alright! I’m a big piece of shit! Nothin’ has ever gone right for me and I’m just a big screw up! Fuckin’ pretendin’ you’d like me just to feel better. You’d never fuckin’ like me, Larry. I’m practically homeless and you’re a big shot doctor man.”</p><p>There was silence for a moment on the other end before Lawrence spoke.</p><p>“Homeless?”</p><p>Adam sniffled and roughly rubbed at his eyes. “Ain’t got money, Larry. Hospital’s been takin’ all I got. Can’t pay rent. I’m gonna fuckin’ die on the streets. I shoulda died in that bathroom. I shoulda died. I want to be dead.”</p><p>“No, you shouldn’t have and you’re not going to any time soon.”</p><p>“Whudda mean?” Adam asked, slurring his words.</p><p>“I’m not letting you die, Adam. We’re in this together now, you hear me? You just stay put where you are and I’m going to come get you. We’ll work through this together, just like we have before. Alright?”</p><p>Adam nodded. “Y-Yeah, Larry. Yeah,”</p><p>He hung up and put his phone back in his pocket before he threw up again. When Lawrence finally managed to track down Adam, he found him sitting against the wall in the alleyway with spit on his chin, eyes reddened and puffy from crying. Lawrence helped Adam to his feet the best he could and led him back to his car. </p><p>“C’mon, buddy,” Lawrence grunted. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”</p><p>“You’re so nice, Larry,” Adam said. “So fuckin’ nice.”</p><p>Adam started losing consciousness in the passenger seat of the car and the next thing he knew, it was morning and he was laying in a bed that was not his own. Adam sat up yawning and looked around the bedroom. It was plain with not much decorating it. Adam rubbed his head groaning. He had such a bad hangover and the light coming in through the window wasn’t helping. </p><p>Where the fuck was he? This definitely was not his apartment. It was too nice looking to be his apartment. Adam looked to the bedside table to find a clock along with a framed photo of Lawrence, Alison, and Diana. No fucking way.</p><p>The door to the bedroom opened and Lawrence came in holding two mugs of coffee.</p><p>“Oh, you’re awake,” Lawrence said. He sat on the bed and offered Adam a mug. Adam took the mug with two hands. Lawrence took a drink from his own mug.</p><p>“How are you feeling this morning?” Lawrence asked.</p><p>“How did I get here?” Adam sat his mug aside on the bedside table. </p><p>“You called me last night. You were very drunk, Adam. I found you in an alleyway downtown,” Lawrence explained. “Brought you back here and cleaned you up. You’re free to stay here as long as you want today. I think there’s some stuff we need to discuss if you’re up to it.”</p><p>“Discuss? Like what?” Adam asked. Oh fuck, what did he say last night? What did he do? The memory was blurry and Adam couldn't remember much after drinking at the bar. He didn’t even remember calling Lawrence. </p><p>“I’m paying your hospital bill.”</p><p>“You’re fucking joking with me, Lawrence.”</p><p>“I am not joking with you. You told me last night that you couldn’t pay the bill. I can pay it. It’s the least I can do to help you get back on your feet,” Lawrence said. </p><p>Adam could only stare at him in amazement, his mouth hanging open slightly.</p><p>“What do you want from me then?” Adam finally asked. “I mean, you don’t just pay a major medical bill for a random stranger and not expect something out of it, Lawrence. You’re not that kind of a person.”</p><p>Lawrence smiled into his coffee mug. “Companionship.”</p><p>“You want me to be your personal little whore?”</p><p>Lawrence spit his coffee back into his mug. </p><p>“Adam, no! I just want to be your friend!” Lawrence’s face was visibly red. Adam moved forward a bit, leaning closer to Lawrence.</p><p>“It’s just a joke, Larry,” Adam chuckled. “Didn’t think it would bother you that badly.”</p><p>Lawrence cleared his throat. “It was an inappropriate joke. It just caught me off guard.”</p><p>“Then why are you blushing?” Adam asked. He had no idea what was pushing him to flirt, but he felt as if it was now or never. After all, what did Adam really have to lose? He already had no chance at making Lawrence his. Why not throw all caution to the wind? Maybe Adam could make this shitty life of his a little bit better. </p><p>“I’m not-” Lawrence started. Adam took Lawrence’s coffee from him and sat it aside.</p><p>“Look, I don’t really remember what I said last night, but life sucks, okay? The only good thing I’ve got going for me anymore is our meetups, Larry. You’ve always been the only good in my life,” Adam said.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Lawrence asked.</p><p>“I used to pretend that you liked me. I’d look at the photos I took of you and pretend I was with you. I’d pretend that my life wasn’t horrible and that someone cared about me. I thought that my life was bad, but that some day I’d find a nice guy like you, but Jigsaw showed me that my life isn’t worth anything.”</p><p>“I’m always haunted by what happened. I can only sleep by getting horribly drunk and I don’t feel calm unless I’m smoking. Scott won’t stop calling me and leaving me angry voice mails about bailing on him and not responding. I’m so close to just fucking killing myself, Lawrence. I can’t handle this anymore.”</p><p>Adam ran his hands through his hair a couple of times with a nervous laugh.</p><p>“I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I just feel like, weirdly safe around you? It doesn’t even make sense! I hardly know you and you shot me! You shot me! Why do I-” Adam looked back up to Lawrence’s surprised face. This was probably a lot of information to be dropped on him and Adam just kept going. </p><p>“Why do I want to kiss you so badly?”</p><p>The words hung heavy in the air and Adam’s chest felt heavy. He was prepared for yelling, for Lawrence to get angry and tell him to leave or calmly explain in his doctor voice how it wouldn’t work between them for multiple reasons, just like how he had done at the hospital. All Adam wanted to do was hold Lawrence close and never let him go. He wanted someone to hold him and assure him that he was safe. </p><p>Even now, Lawrence was still the closest thing to that. His voice was so calming and made Adam feel safe. He had gone out in the night willingly and brought Adam back to his place, letting him sleep in his bed and recover. Lawrence had gone out of his way to help Adam without asking anything in return and it just didn’t make sense to Adam. No one did things out of the kindness of their heart. Everyone wanted something. Lawrence was absolutely no exception. There had to be something that he wanted from Adam.</p><p>And Lawrence was about to take what he wanted.</p><p>Lawrence suddenly leaned forward and kissed Adam, putting a hand on the side of his cheek. Adam stiffened in surprise. His brain completely short circuited. Lawrence Gordon, the high class oncologist, was kissing him. Lawrence moved back from the kiss and Adam just stared at him. </p><p>“You want to know what I want, Adam? You. I don't know why and I don’t know how, but since we met up again at the meeting, you’ve been all I can think about anymore. I look forward to our weekly meetups and I want to spend more time with you. I want to help you get back on your feet and in return all I ask is that you give me a chance.”</p><p>Adam smiled, chuckling some. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. </p><p>“I want nothing more than that, Larry.”</p><p>Adam gently kissed Lawrence again. This really was happening. It wasn’t pretend in his mind. It wasn’t some dream that would disappear upon morning light. Lawrence was real and here in front of Adam. He was beautiful and wonderful and he was all Adam’s.</p><p>“Lawrence, is this real?” Adam asked. </p><p>Lawrence nodded. “Yes, it is real. I promise you, Adam. I’m real and this is real. I’m going to be right here for you. I promise.” </p><p>For the first time in years, Adam felt like things were finally going to be okay. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Rebirth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Life certainly hadn’t gone how Lawrence had expected, especially this past year. Everything had been in perfect order. A perfect life. He had a successful career that he enjoyed, a wonderful wife, and a beautiful daughter. Lawrence Gordon had everything a man could dream for until it all came crashing down around him in the span of six hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For six hours, Lawrence had faced a young, scared man who was also in the same situation as he was, only Lawrence was tasked with the goal of murdering that scared  man across the room. Lawrence wasn’t a killer, even in a forced situation like that. He couldn’t ever will himself to kill another human being. A doctor was supposed to heal and help those in need. What kind of doctor would he be if he willingly ended a life? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence had made his choice, but in his desperation, he had been pushed to murder. He still could not forget Adam’s pleading voice, his terrified face, as Lawrence aimed the pistol at him with a shaking hand. The sound of Adam hitting the ground as the gun went off had replayed in Lawrence’s mind over and over again. He had tried to make amends with his sins by promising to bring back help, but despite keeping his word, Lawrence could not shake the guilt he felt over Adam’s situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The younger man showed symptoms of PTSD from the event and had even confessed to Lawrence about his episodes of paranoia and hallucinations. Adam’s shattered mental state could not be denied, which was why Lawrence had been brutally honest when John inquired about Adam’s current state before trying to reach out to him for apprenticeship. Lawrence had hoped that by telling John the truth that Adam would be spared of the horrors and left alone or even be given the proper help that he had needed. Instead, Adam was thrown headfirst into the deep end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John believed that Adam still hadn’t learned his lesson based on the heavy drinking he had recently fallen into. Instead of trying to get Adam the help he needed, John’s solution was to make Adam face yet another test. A test that wouldn’t be tampered with and John made sure of this by placing Lawrence in charge of it. It was a method that Lawrence frankly didn’t agree with in this specific situation and he assumed that this was the main reason he wasn’t even considered for taking over the title of Jigsaw. This situation filled Lawrence with anxiety as his emotions continued to go back and forth between happiness and utter dread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On one hand, Lawrence felt honored to be the one to help give Adam his rebirth into a new life, just as John had done for Lawrence. On the other hand, he feared the possibility of watching Adam’s face being ripped open, ending the young man’s life. Lawrence wasn’t sure he would be able to live with himself knowing that Adam had not only died, but had died by Lawrence’s own hand. After all, Adam had become something special to Lawrence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor hadn’t been quite sure what Adam meant to him. What Lawrence did know was that he found Adam’s hot temper and sarcastic nature charming. Adam didn’t take shit from anyone without cracking some kind of joke or smart ass come back. He didn’t fear the opinions of others. The best way that Lawrence could describe Adam was that he was so violently himself.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite Adam’s confident facade, Lawrence was able to see right through Adam’s jokes to see the frightened man hiding behind them. Lawrence only knew a fragment of the life that Adam had lived, but he knew that Adam’s life had been filled with suffering. He wanted to know more. He wanted to be able to soothe Adam’s soul in the same way Adam’s presence was able to soothe Lawrence’s. He craved Adam’s attention like an addict craving their next hit. Their coffee meet ups weren’t enough for Lawrence and he was left awake at night struggling to figure out why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until Adam word vomited his true feelings to Lawrence that Lawrence realized the truth about his feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why do I want to kiss you so badly?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All Lawrence really wanted was Adam’s love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t very much that Lawrence wanted anymore. After all, his desire for the ideal life was what had led him down this path in the first place. Lawrence had been through Hell, his entire world being shaken to the very core. His perfect life had been shattered. In that moment of desperation, Lawrence had pushed himself through the spiritual suicide of his past self and on the other side was the baptism of rebirth and redemption. Lawrence could still feel the water from John’s hands running down his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon after came the consequences of his bloody baptism and the removal of the last remnants of the Dr. Gordon that the world knew. Lawrence knew there was no saving his marriage. It had died long before John intervened and Lawrence had simply been dragging along the corpse of his marriage unknowingly. John had opened Lawrence’s eyes to the truth and set him and Alison free. They had once been the perfect couple with the perfect family, but those days were far behind in the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today was what mattered and today Lawrence was a new man. He vowed to not lose Adam like he had lost Alison. No longer would he close himself off to those around him. If Adam needed him, then Lawrence would be there to help him. Adam was his second chance, his beautiful angel that haunted his dreams. Lawrence hadn’t been able to control himself anymore when he kissed Adam. That’s why it made this even harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence slid the metal bit into Adam’s mouth as he sat unconscious in the chair with his wrists tied down. Tonight would be a busy night for the Jigsaw cult. Somewhere in an abandoned house, seven people would be fighting for antidotes to the gas slowly poisoning them while one of them stood as an imposter. John would have his hands full dealing with the police in order to properly test Detective Mathews, and Mark Hoffman would be busy setting up the running feed from the fake location. Everyone had their part to play tonight. Lawrence just wished he could switch with someone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no escaping this and Lawrence knew that in order to properly heal a wound, you had to remove the infection even if it was painful. It would be for the better. Lawrence picked up the reverse bear trap from the cart and carefully slid it onto Adam’s head. He pushed it into place and locked the padlock on the back. Lawrence then attached the thin fishing line to the timer on the trap to the back of the chair. He picked up the tape player from the cart and sat it on Adam’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence stepped back and looked Adam over. His eyes were drawn to the scars on Adam’s chest under his pecs. They were physical markers of a life of suffering and hardship that had made Adam the man he was today. He didn’t deserve anymore torture in his life and Lawrence prayed that this was the end of Adam’s torment.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence leaned closer and gently kissed Adam’s forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do this, Adam,” Lawrence whispered. “Please, I can’t lose you too. I believe in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence stood up straight and turned, heading into the darkness. He couldn’t stall any longer. The pieces were set and the time had come for the game to begin. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>A groan rolled out of Adam’s throat as he slowly came to consciousness. His entire body ached, and he could feel a throbbing pain in his right shoulder. He felt like absolute shit and the world around him twisted and turned in blurry shapes as he tried his hardest not to go unconscious again. Adam blinked against the harsh light looking around as things began coming into focus. His eyes landed on an unfamiliar shape around his face that immediately snapped his brain into full awake mode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was some kind of metal device attached to his mouth and surrounding his head. He let out a few grunts of panic as he tried to reach up and remove it, only to find both his hands firmly tied down to the chair he was sitting on. Adam came to realize he was also shirtless, and his throbbing right shoulder had a long cut in it that was stitched back together. Blinding fear was taking over as Adam continued to try to free his hands. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam paused for a moment panting against the metal and looked around for anything that could help him. The only thing he could see was a small medical cart in front of him with a single scalpel. Adam looked down to find a tape player sitting on his lap. Adam’s heart dropped to his stomach as he saw the sharpie words that read “play me”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He screamed against the metal contraption and began to sob. He knew exactly who was behind this. Adam not only had the dumb luck to be kidnapped by a deranged killer once in his life, but also he somehow managed to get caught up in his games a second time. He had already once played Jigsaw’s sick, twisted game. The memories of that fucking bathroom haunted his every moment and had sent Adam into madness. Now here he sat in an empty room, most likely going to die from whatever this thing on his face was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam feared hearing what on the tape, but he knew it would be his only chance of getting out of here alive. He pulled on his restraints again and again until he managed to finally slip his hands free. He grabbed the tape and took in a breath, then clicked the play button.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hello, Adam. Almost a year ago you were tested like many others, but due to another person’s mistakes, you were doomed to die only to be rescued by a change of heart. But instead of being grateful for the life you were given, you threw it away. You let your inner demons control who you are and today you will decide who is stronger, you or them.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The device around your head is attached to your upper and lower jaw. When the timer goes off, your mouth will be ripped open, much like a reverse bear trap. There is only one key to remove the device from your head. You will need to look inside yourself in order to free yourself of your demons. Will you become the master of your own life, or will you become just another forgotten corpse left alone to never be found? Live or die. Make your choice, Adam.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The tape fell silent leaving Adam alone with only his terrified breathing. In a moment of panic, Adam got up from the chair moving for the scalpel on the cart in front of him. He heard the sound of something being pulled from behind him and clatter to the floor. He froze in terror as ticking began. The clock had started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam picked up the scalpel and looked at it panting. He quickly looked around the room for anything that could help him, but it was barren. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You will need to look inside yourself in order to free yourself of your demons.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam held the scalpel up with a trembling hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He doesn’t want us to cut through our chains. He wants us to cut through our feet.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had escaped the bathroom with his entire mental state completely obliterated, but his physical body had been unharmed. Lawrence had failed to kill him by six o’clock and now Jigsaw came to repossess what Adam owed. It was his turn to sacrifice, just like Lawrence had. Adam felt like he was going to vomit, but he knew he didn’t have time for that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly turned the scalpel around and dug it into his shoulder, cutting open the stitching. Blood welled up out of the fresh cut and began to run down Adam’s chest. He dug the scalpel in deeper, cutting more and more into his shoulder. Pure adrenaline was pumping through him as he heard the ticking from the trap, ticking away his last moments of life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam dug his hand into the wound, crying in pain. This hurt worse than the gunshot wound. At least with a gunshot, the bullet didn’t move. It didn’t continue to rip into Adam’s flesh desperately looking for a key. Finally, his bloody fingers brushed metal. Adam took hold of the key and pulled it out of his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly reached behind his head feeling for the padlock. Adam shoved the key into the padlock and turned it. It unlocked and Adam quickly yanked it off the bear trap. He grabbed onto both sides of the trap as he felt it loosen. Adam yanked it up off his head, the hooks in his cheeks pulling out painfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam threw the trap with a scream. It hit the concrete and not long after went off, flying open giving him a grim idea of what could have been. Adam stood panting, his body covered in sweat and blood. His legs became weak and Adam fell to his knees as another scream escaped. Adam screamed for all he was worth as tears ran down his cheeks. He didn’t stop until he felt arms around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A towel was pushed against Adam’s shoulder as gentle hands held him close. Adam struggled against the hold still blinded by adrenaline and fear. He heard someone shushing him, trying to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright now. It’s alright-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That voice. That soothing voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence?” Adam’s voice cracked as he pulled back. Lawrence was kneeling in front of him, pushing a towel into Adam’s bleeding shoulder. As always, Lawrence was dressed nicely in a suit with a black coat over top. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright now, Adam, I promise,” Lawrence said. “It’s over. You’re safe now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you find me?” Adam placed a bloody hand on Lawrence’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just go get you fixed up, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you find me?” Adam repeated. Lawrence continued to ignore the question. He helped Adam to his feet, who kept repeating the question over and over desperate for a reply. Adam leaned on Lawrence unable to stand for himself. Now that the adrenaline was beginning to fade, his body was left exhausted and in pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?” Adam finally asked as they reached the door to the dimly lit room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s who?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jigsaw. He did this to me, Larry. He did this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not here, Adam. I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam froze letting go of Lawrence. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll explain this more in depth later, okay? Right now we need to get your shoulder tended to or it’ll end up getting infected,” Lawrence said. Adam took a step backwards shaking his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, what do you mean you’re here and he isn’t?” Adam demanded. Lawrence sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hoped it wouldn’t come out this way, but I’m one of Jigsaw’s apprentices. His real name is John and he’s quite the brilliant man. John released you from the bathroom after I begged him to spare you. Now he wants you to be an apprentice as well. John told me you had agreed when he freed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam felt like he was going to be sick. He didn’t remember agreeing to be some serial killer’s apprentice! None of this made sense! There was no way Lawrence was working with the man who had forced him to cut off his own foot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lying!” Adam shouted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, I’m not lying,” Lawrence said. His voice slipped into the professional doctor tone. It made Adam’s skin crawl from how ingenuine it felt. Adam wasn’t some nameless hospital patient that Lawrence could just manipulate into listening to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are! I didn’t agree to this and I know you wouldn’t either! Lawrence, please tell me this isn’t true! Please, this is just some joke, right? You’re not with him. You’re not with Jigsaw, Larry. You can’t be!” Adam’s voice got higher pitched as panic was setting in. Lawrence took Adam’s hand in his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you, it’ll all become clear soon. I’ll explain it all. No secrets, no lies. Just please come with me so I can treat your wound. Please, Adam. Trust me,” Lawrence said. His voice was soft again and it helped soothe Adam’s nerves. Adam locked eyes with the doctor. There had to be a rational explanation to all of this. Something that Adam just wasn’t seeing. Lawrence was a smart man and if he had turned to Jigsaw’s side, then there had to be a good reason for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam gave Lawrence’s hand a squeeze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Amelioration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam had not spoken a word since Lawrence had brought him back to the workshop. He obeyed every direction Lawrence gave in order to properly deal with the wound on his shoulder, but the silence was worrying. Lawrence prepped a surgical needle as Adam sat on the table in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This may hurt a bit,” Lawrence said. He pushed the needle through Adam’s torn skin and the younger man tensed up, shutting his eyes. Lawrence made sure to work quickly to cause as little pain as possible. Soon, the wound was stitched up properly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,” Lawrence said looking up at him. Adam would not look at Lawrence. He kept his head turned away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, please. I promise you it’s alright now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you been working for him?” Adam finally asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since I escaped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’ve been lying to me this whole time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, I wasn’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam slid off the table and walked away from Lawrence. He picked up the bloody towel from earlier and held it to his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You saw me suffering this whole time and you continued to work with him. You knew how scared I was and you still let this happen to me again.” Adam turned around to face Lawrence. There was a look of hurt on his face and it broke Lawrence’s heart to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, Larry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence got up from his chair and closed the gap between them. He took the towel from Adam’s hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you won’t believe me, and you have every right, but I was trying to help you. After John found me and nursed me back to health, I felt like a new man. I felt like I had been reborn and given a second chance at life. I was such a screw up, Adam. You know that. You saw that. I did try to bring help back. I begged him to spare you. I just didn’t know how much time had passed while I was in and out of consciousness and I’m sorry for that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence met Adam’s eyes and the two stared at each other in silence for a moment. Adam’s green eyes were so beautiful and Lawrence knew that he could stare into them for hours, but now was not the time. Right now, Lawrence had to try and help Adam understand. If he didn’t, it was very likely that Adam would leave for good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t my choice for you to be tested again. John told me you had agreed to apprenticeship, so I thought all was fine. I don’t know why he tested you again. I’m so sorry, Adam. All I could do was be there for you and help in little ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Help?” Adam asked. “How the fuck did you help me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I stitched your shoulder after the key was put in, and I made the stitching loose so it was easy for you to get in,” Lawrence explained. “I wanted to help you. I didn’t want you to die. God, I couldn’t let you die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Adam asked. “Why would you care about whether or not I lived?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I love you, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam stared at him in silence before he suddenly pressed their foreheads together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Larry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words had finally been spoken. Lawrence had assumed the relationship based on their shared kiss, but he could never quite be sure how Adam felt about him, especially now after what had happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really tried to help me?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, absolutely. I wanted to help you feel reborn like I did. I wanted to help you get back on your feet. I wanted you to live. Look at how much good has come from our test, Adam. I know there are lingering memories and side effects that hurt us, but don’t you think the good outweighs that? Those old shitty versions of ourselves are dead. We can move on and be good people. We can help others see the value of their lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence was desperate. He knew that Adam had to see the truth for himself in order for the treatment to properly work, but he so desperately wanted that for Adam. He wanted to help him and he hated that this was a road that Adam had to walk down alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least think about it,” Lawrence said softly as he took his coat off. He draped it around Adam’s shoulders trying to help cover him up some. Adam pulled it closer like a comforting blanket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence, are you sure you love me?” Adam asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe because of me being a gutter rat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you’re a gutter rat, you’re the cutest gutter rat I’ve ever seen.” Lawrence kissed Adam’s forehead causing the younger male to laugh. Adam put his hand up pushing Lawrence back lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But seriously, Larry. I mean, you had to have seen uh, these.” Adam opened the coat to show his scars. “You know I’m not really a man, right? Adam’s not even my real name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence closed the coat. “That person, whoever they were, has long since died. The person standing in front of me is Adam Faulkner-Stanheight, a man I love very much no matter what. I know you’ve been through a really hard life up until now, and I’m sorry if past lovers have treated you wrong after they found out, but I’m not going to. Your scars don’t change who you are. They only show that you’ve survived the impossible. You’re a fighter, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s eyes watered as he smiled. “Lawrence, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was cut off by the sound of a door slamming open. Lawrence looked over to see Amanda wheeling in a bloody and bruised John. Blood was running down the side of her face and her steps seemed labored. The only thing that seemed to keep her moving was her own anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened!?” Lawrence asked, hurrying over to the duo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Lawrence,” John said. “It’s just a minor unexpected outcome of the events of this evening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eric Mathews fucking happened,” Amanda said angrily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he now?” Lawrence asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your bathroom.” Amanda turned her head and spit. Blood droplets hit the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both of you need to be cleaned up,” Lawrence said, slipping into doctor mode. “Come with me into the freezer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence turned to head towards the freezer, but stopped when he saw Adam had moved closer and was staring at the bloody duo. This definitely wasn’t the best first impression, or second impression when it came to John. Lawrence wanted to have Adam look away so he didn’t have to see any more blood, but Adam moved closer passing Lawrence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, what?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know her?” Lawrence asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We went to college together,” Adam said in shock. “Amanda, you’re working with him too? Is that-”</span>
</p><p><span>Adam looked back to Lawrence before looking back to Amanda. “Is that why you picked me for Lawrence to kill? Because you knew me? Did you really hate me that much?”</span><span><br/></span> <span>“I believe there will be time for you both to catch up, but I think we should let Dr. Gordon do his job, don’t you think?” John said. “There’s been enough excitement for one night.”</span></p><p>
  <span>Adam suddenly reeled back and punched John right in the face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence grabbed Adam’s arms hauling him backwards as Amanda lurched forward trying to punch Adam back. John was thrown into a coughing fit as his nose began to bleed again. Both Amanda and Adam were yelling over top of each other and Lawrence had to fight to keep the two of them apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda!” John snapped once he got control over his breathing. Amanda obediently stopped like a trained dog. Lawrence continued to hold onto Adam keeping him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that type of reaction was inevitable,” John said. “Amanda, could you please get me a towel to clean up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda glared at Adam before she walked off across the workshop. Thank God John knew how to de-escalate situations. Lawrence loosened his grip on Adam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sincerely apologize for how your initial test ended up. I made sure your second was in fact winnable as was intended.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You apologize!?” Adam yelled. “You fucking son of a bitch! Do you have any fucking idea what you did to me? You left me in that bathroom to die!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You appear very much alive, Mr. Faulkner-Stanheight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three days! Three days I was chained to that pipe!” Adam lurched forward, but Lawrence tightened his hold keeping him from attacking again. “I can’t fucking sleep or eat and I always hallucinate that damn place because of you! You’re a bastard! A fucking low life bastard!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you feel better calling me names, Adam?” John asked. “What exactly do you think your words will do? If it releases you of your anger, then please do continue. If not, then I ask you to use your eyes and see that I am already in a bad state. There is nothing you can say that will damage me further. Not when I’ve already hit the bottom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck do you know about hitting the bottom?” Adam demanded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John coughed into his hand before he took a slow ragged breath. “I too am trapped inside a body I wish not to possess. For you, it is being perceived as a person you are not. For me, it is because of the disease that is eating away at my insides as we speak. I cannot fully understand, but I understand the feeling of constant death. I have but one question for you, Adam. Do you believe your life is worse since your first test?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. Abso fucking lutely!” Adam snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Correct me if I’m wrong, but were you not alone before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- No, I wasn’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me rephrase, you were without human company before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam stuttered as John caught him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before my intervention, you were but a lonely, bitter man. Take a look at yourself now, Adam. Can you say you are the same man?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re playing some kind of twisted matchmaker?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happens afterwards is out of my control. Those are your own choices. When you woke up in the hospital, did you not find that a cup of water tasted sweet? Did you not see the beauty in sunlight or the wind on your face?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The voices,” Adam said softly. John raised an eyebrow in question the best he could with a bloody face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hearing the voices of people in the hospital was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard,” Adam continued on. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve begun participating in society,” John said with a smile. “You’re being your own man, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda returned with a towel in her hands. Her face was mostly cleaned of the blood, but Lawrence knew she’d probably still need some stitches. She kneeled in front of John and began to gently wipe the blood off his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let Lawrence help you,” She said. “I’ll take care of Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John said nothing in return. Amanda gave Lawrence a nod and Lawrence took hold of the back of John’s wheelchair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to see you after,” Lawrence said. “Your forehead-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Save me the dad speech,” Amanda stood up and walked over to Adam. She threw an arm around his shoulders and the two of them walked away towards Amanda’s corner of the workshop. Lawrence sighed and pushed John’s wheelchair into the old freezer. For the time being, it had become a makeshift hospital where Lawrence was able to help John the best he could along with working on victims before their games.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence kneeled down in front of John to get a better look at his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright now, let’s see the damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s nose was definitely broken and there were a few gashes on different parts of his face from repeated beatings. Thankfully, most of the damage seemed to be bruising from the contact points. Detective Mathews had quite the force behind his punches. John lifted his one hands slightly and Lawrence caught sight of a broken index finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most of the damage seems minimal, but I’m going to have to reset that finger. I warn you that it will in fact hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John chuckled. “I’ve been through worse, Dr. Gordon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you have.” Lawrence took hold of John’s finger and with a quick move of his hand reset the bone. John instinctively yelled in pain. After a moment of silence to recover, John called to the other room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright, Amanda.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence chuckled, straightening to full height. John definitely knew Amanda like she was his own daughter. The relationship between the two of them was sweet and partly reminded Lawrence of his own daughter. He missed Diana terribly, but he knew she was well cared for. If only he hadn’t spoiled their time together. If only he had known his time with her would come to an end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence walked over to the cabinets and looked through them to find the supplies that he needed. Soon, Lawrence had patched up John the best he could and had applied a splint to his finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about Adam,” Lawrence said as he finished placing the last bandage. “He’s hot headed, but I promise he means well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need to be sorry. Sometimes the process takes a little longer in some people,” John replied. “Amanda wasn’t quite convinced when I first asked her and now she’s my right hand. I know Adam will come around in time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really hope so. He’s been through so much, John. I don’t want him to suffer anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And he won’t. Adam has proven his will to survive, and I know he has been reborn just as you have. He just hasn’t realized it yet. Everything he told me confirms it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what happens now?” Lawrence asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For now, you and Adam should relax. I had never intended for him to be locked up as long as he was. I had assumed Detective Hoffman would have released him sooner like I had asked. I cannot change what has happened. In time, I will begin training him just like Amanda. Should everything go according to plan, then he will become her apprentice when I am gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s the case, then shouldn’t you wait until then?” Lawrence asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fear that things may not go how we want them, Dr. Gordon, so I must take precautions. One of those being keeping you and Adam off Detective Hoffman’s radar. I worry he may become a problem later on,” John said. “Think of the two of you as my insurance policy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence chuckled. “That’s one hell of a policy, John. Are you sure you want that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely, Dr. Gordon. I believe the two of you will become one of my greatest assets. Now then, if you could help me back out into the workshop I would be most grateful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence went around back of the wheelchair and pushed John back out into the workshop. Adam was sitting criss cross on one of the workshop tables while Amanda sat on the stool working on some piece of metal that would become part of a trap later. The two of them seemed to be chatting, but stopped when they noticed Lawrence and John. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda hurried over and kneeled in front of John worrying over him. Lawrence walked past them and over to Adam. He offered his hand to the younger male.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go home.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Convalescence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just as a note "Elby" is the written pronunciation of LB, short for Little Bastard. It's one of the nicknames Adam's given him, especially if he talks about Lil Bastard around kids. (cough diana cough)</p><p>Thank you again for the love. We're between Saw 2 + 3 now, so we got a long ride ahead of us. Strap in and get comfy, it's about to get gay and bloody.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam’s legs were aching by the time he stopped outside his apartment door. Lawrence had driven him home and allowed him to continue to wear his coat. Lawrence had said he would just get it back the next time they met up. Adam wasn’t going to argue. The coat smelled like the doctor and it comforted his nerves. At least he’d have something to hold onto to keep the nightmares away tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam reached into the coat pocket and fished out his keys. He hadn’t bothered asking Lawrence how he got Adam’s keys. Adam figured they were in his pocket before being kidnapped. It was hard to remember what he had even been doing beforehand since he had been very drunk earlier. Adam looked up to his door as a yellow paper caught his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Notice of Eviction</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Motherfucker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pulled the paper off the door angrily. Of course his landlord would decide now to evict him. Everything was already going to hell anyways. What was one more problem?  Adam shoved the paper into one of the coat pockets before looking back down at the keys. His hands were shaking slightly making it hard to hold onto them. He couldn’t wait to go inside and pass out and just forget this nightmare. In the morning he’d call Lawrence and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yo, Adam!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned to not only find Scott now getting up in his face, but a camera as well being held by their friend Matt. Adam lifted up his hand to try and block his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, you’ve been dodging my calls, man. I just wanna talk about this Jigsaw shit,” Scott said in his usual annoying voice. His energy was much too high for Adam to be able to handle at this moment. Scott was always too much to handle lately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t,” Adam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, man. This shit is a fuckin’ rush! Tell me what Jigsaw did to you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you fuckin’ kill a man to get out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scott, I don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re those marks on your mouth? You get tested twice, Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam put his hand up to his mouth trying to hide the wounds. Unfortunately, this action was enough to confirm that information for Scott. Scott laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy hell, that’s fucking wicked! My boy Adam gettin’ tested by Jigsaw twice, man! What was wrong with you then, huh? What fucked up shit did you do? Had to be really bad in order for this guy to kidnap your pussy ass twice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scott-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Jigsaw help you, man? Bet he helped you be less of a pussy, huh? Fuck, don’t even think a sick fuck like Jigsaw could help you with that problem, Adam. ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned and decked Scott right in the nose knocking him backwards into the wall. Scott stumbled, stunned, before he put a hand to his now bleeding nose. Scott was about to fly into a rage, but Adam beat him to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna know what Jigsaw taught me? He taught me that you’re a fucking</span>
  <em>
    <span> asshole</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Scott! I’m done taking your shit! I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to work with you, I don’t even want to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>around</span>
  </em>
  <span> you! You’re a narcissistic, self-centered, manipulative, bitch!” Adam yelled. The pent up anger and hurt that had been built up over the years of Scott’s abuse was finally being released in a tsunami of blinding rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You fucking cock sucker!” Scott moved towards Adam, ready to fight. Adam threw another punch that Scott managed to dodge. Scott punched Adam and in return, Adam brought his knee up between Scott’s legs hard making him double over. Scott went down grunting out all kinds of insults and curses while Matt swung the camera back and forth between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Piss off, Scott,” Adam growled. He then looked over to Matt as the camera went back to him. He grabbed Matt’s arm holding on tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna record this, Matt?” Adam made him look at Scott. “Then record this. The moment the great Scott Tibbs realized he’s mortal just like everyone else on this fucked up planet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam let go of Matt shoving him back. He pulled out his keys again, getting the key to his apartment. He pushed it in the lock and turned it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get the fuck outta here and if you come back, I’m calling the damn cops.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you, Adam,” Scott spat. Adam looked down at him and flipped him off before going inside his apartment and locking the door behind him. Adam went into the kitchen and emptied out his pockets onto the kitchen table before kicking off his shoes and jeans. It was time to be comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam went into the living room and began clicking out the side of his mouth. He headed towards his bedroom still clicking and soon he heard a click in response. Adam stopped in the hallway and clicked again, continuing the back and forth call and response until he saw Little Bastard come waddling down the hall and up to him, still clicking. Adam reached down and picked up the possum holding him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I’d never see you again, Elby,” Adam whispered. Little Bastard chittered and crawled up onto Adam’s shoulders. Once he was settled, Adam continued on into the bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d not believe the day I had. Or maybe night. I don’t know. All I do know is you’re an awful guard possum, Lil Bastard,” Adam said. Talking aloud always helped ease his nerves before the bathroom incident and Adam liked to believe that Little Bastard was in fact listening but just could not respond. Adam took Little Bastard off his shoulders and sat him on the bed before he laid down with a sigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had become used to the feeling of his body aching. He just wished he could drown it out with alcohol again, but the idea of waking up with a hangover didn’t sound pleasant. Not to mention, he had too many thoughts to work through and for once Adam knew he couldn’t run from them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why me?” Adam asked aloud. “Why did this have to happen to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little Bastard wandered up the bed and onto Adam’s chest looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should have died. Twice. I’m alive though. Why am I alive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little Bastard tilted his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I have a purpose? Was I supposed to meet Lawrence? Maybe that Jigsaw guy really knows what he’s doing with this whole becoming a better person thing. I mean, I haven’t felt like myself since. I stood up to Scott. I actually stood up to Scott.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little Bastard licked Adam’s nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that is unlike me! I also punched Jigsaw! Like, I don’t even think Larry would do that! Larry, fuck. He actually loves me, Little Bastard. He loves me because of what Jigsaw did to us. If it wasn’t for him, we’d never have actually met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pulled the coat up to his nose and breathed in. He would never have known Lawrence without Jigsaw. Even the initial job to follow him was because of Jigsaw. The doctor had become the beacon of hope in Adam’s dark world and it had come out of the trauma of those six hours. Adam’s eyes widened as the realization settled into place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being stuck in the bathroom with Lawrence had been the best thing to ever happen to him.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Houses passed by as the car drove down the road. Adam could see his reflection in the window as he watched the apartment buildings and businesses pass him by, becoming nicer as they drove out of the poorer neighborhood that Adam had been living in and into the more cared for side of town. Adam glanced over at Lawrence who was humming along to the song playing on the radio as he drove. He still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had one hand in the soft fur of Little Bastard who slept on his lap, completely unaware of what was going on. Adam wished he could be as carefree and oblivious as the possum. His nerves were high and he continued to chew the inside of his cheek. Adam had told Lawrence about the eviction notice the next morning and Lawrence had jumped into action almost immediately. Within a matter of hours, they were packing up Adam’s things in boxes and preparing him to move in with Lawrence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was of course very grateful for Lawrence’s kindness and definitely wasn’t going to be turning it down, but he couldn't help but worry that he would end up being a problem for the doctor. What if one of these days Lawrence suddenly realized the mistake he had made? What if he just left Adam on the street? What if-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Lawrence glanced over before looking back to the road. “You alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m fine,” Adam mumbled looking back out the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know this is probably a lot to handle at one time, but it’s gonna be okay now. We’ll get you settled in and back on your feet. And you know what else? You won’t have to worry about anything. No Jigsaw stuff. It’s just gonna be you and me and we can do couple things, you know?” Lawrence said. “Like, seeing a movie or getting dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, when was the last time you went on a date?” Adam joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It uh, it has been awhile,” Lawrence confessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re like, officially my hot dilf boyfriend now?” Adam asked with a chuckle.  Lawrence glanced over at him in confusion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dilf? What on earth is that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad I’d like to fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laughed as Lawrence blushed. It felt so good to ruffle Lawrence’s feathers and remind him just who exactly he was dealing with. A little chaos to Lawrence’s order. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don't know about that part, but yes I do believe we are officially boyfriends if you want to be,” Lawrence said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Larry, I’ve been wondering about that. If you really see me as a man, why are you deciding to date me? Like isn’t that pretty gay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there’s a little thing called bisexuality, Adam, which I believe you know of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, but I’m gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about that girl you dated? The one you said that left because she thought you were too angry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spoiler alert, the anger was repressed homosexuality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence chuckled, shaking his head. “Well there’s no need to worry, Adam. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam smiled and ran his hand over Little Bastard’s back a few times. Maybe things would finally turn around. Maybe this really wasn’t a bad thing. Why should he be worrying over this? Life was finally being kind to Adam and giving him something good. He should be appreciating it instead of questioning it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here,” Lawrence pulled into a parking spot in front of a building. It looked much nicer than the apartment complex that Adam had been living in. Lawrence shut off the car and looked over at Adam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome to your new home, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The building before them was definitely well cared for and even had grass around it along with some bushes. They were near the edge of the city which allowed for a more suburban look. It was beautiful. Adam looked over and took in a breath before letting it out slowly. He had no words. It felt unreal still. Lawrence was still smiling at him, waiting on some kind of reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Adam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, why don’t we get you settled in?” Lawrence handed Adam the key. “Apartment one, first floor. You and your buddy there go on ahead. I’ll start getting some of your boxes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence got out of the car and Adam soon did as well, holding Little Bastard in his arms so he didn’t have to wake up. His small harness was on him with the leash just in case he did happen to wake up. Adam headed up the walkway and passed the mailboxes and the stairs leading up to the other floors. He hovered at the door before unlocking it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The apartment inside was very plain and minimalistic. It just screamed Lawrence. It was neat and orderly with whites and light blues. There were hardly any decorations and as furniture went, it was just a couch in front of a tv on a stand and a dining table closer to the door to the kitchen. Adam headed towards the hallway to find the bathroom and two rooms. One was the bedroom, the other a spare room that Lawrence seemed to be using as an office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had assumed the apartment would be bigger, given that Lawrence was a wealthy doctor, but perhaps he had gone with something smaller now that he no longer had a wife and child. Adam went into the bedroom and laid Little Bastard down on the bed. He ran a finger over the sleepy opossum's snout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna be alright here, Elby. We’re fighters.” Adam gently kissed Little Bastard’s forehead. He heard the front door open and Lawrence grunting as he carried something inside. Adam headed to the main room and saw Lawrence carrying a box tucked under his arm. Adam quickly took it from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about I do the carrying?” Adam suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps that might be a good idea,” Lawrence said, readjusting himself with his cane. “You can put your things just in here or in the bedroom for now. I’ll be right back, I have to make a phone call.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pecked his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you again, Larry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before long, Adam had most of the boxes in the apartment. There were still a few more things left at his old place that they’d have to go back for tomorrow, but there wasn’t much that Adam owned anyways. He could start some of the unpacking tonight to save time. He got to work opening his boxes and finding places to stash his belongings amongst Lawrence’s. It was right as he opened the box containing his camera and film that the doorbell rang.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ignored it, figuring Lawrence would answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam fished out his camera. Oh he had missed this thing. It was an extension of himself, like another limb of his body. It had gotten him through thick and thin and only ever told him the truth. Thank God it hadn’t broken when he had first been kidnapped. It had been a damn miracle. Adam gave the top of his camera a little kiss before putting it back in the box. He wasn’t quite sure where to store this yet. After all, he didn’t have a dark room anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,“  Lawrence leaned into the room. “Lunch is here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck yeah, did you order pizza?” Adam asked standing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence headed back down the hall with Adam behind him and already Adam could smell the delicious smell of pizza. As they turned the corner, Adam was met with the sight of Amanda putting two pizza boxes on the dining table. She looked over with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy moving day, Adam,” She said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What-?” Adam looked to Lawrence and back to Amanda.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you’d need help since I’m disabled,” Lawrence said. “And Amanda volunteered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not to mention, I brought you your dumpster pizza,” Amanda joked. She opened one of the boxes to show a supreme pizza. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remembered,” Adam said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could I forget? You and Scott kept making the common room smell like onions whenever we ordered study pizza. You get your gross onion pizza and Lawrence and I will enjoy our pepperonis,” Amanda said opening the other box. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, it’s really not that bad.” Adam took a slice from the box. “How can you hate on a supreme? It’s got everything a guy could ever want on a pizza.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’d eat it if it didn’t have onions,” Amanda said. “Smells like armpit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, back me up here,” Adam said looking over to the doctor. Lawrence chuckled and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I’m a simple man, Adam. I’m satisfied with just cheese.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, now that’s a sin,” Adam said. Amanda laughed and soon all three of them were laughing. For a moment, Adam could almost pretend this was his normal life. He could pretend that he and Amanda never grew apart and he and Lawrence had met on some dating app. Everything could almost be normal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once lunch ended, Amanda and Adam got to work getting the last of the boxes inside before beginning the unpacking process. Lawrence sat at his desk in the spare room working on his laptop while Adam and Amanda stayed in the main room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you wanna do with these?” Amanda asked, holding up a stack of CDs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, put it over there on that shelf. If Larry hates it, I’ll move them later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked back down at the box in front of him and cut the tape open with the box cutter. He opened the flaps to reveal some framed photos and his bedside alarm clock. Adam lifted one of the frames. It was a picture of him and his twin, an arm over each others’ shoulders, big smiles on their face. It had been taken the summer after high school graduation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, double trouble,” Amanda kneeled down to look. “Is that your brother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Evil clone, actually,” Adam corrected. Amanda took the photo and looked at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> the evil clone, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laughed and took the photo back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is your brother?” Amanda asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam shrugged. “I haven’t really heard from him since I moved to the city. Last I heard he was working on some blog with his friend Tucker. I was wondering, what happened after college? How the hell did you end up working for a serial killer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy,” Amanda pulled a chair from the table and sat on it backwards. “Graduate college, bounce between dead end jobs, find a boyfriend, boyfriend gets you addicted to multiple kinds of drugs, life goes to shit, get arrested for possession on fake evidence, end up nearly dying at the hands of an assumed killer, become reborn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t seem easy to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda leaned forward in the chair smiling. “Depends on how you look at it. John believed in me. He sobered me up, made me realize that I was slowly killing myself. Maybe not everyone sees it, but John saved my life. Been sober almost two years now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really glad you found something good. I’m sorry we kinda fell outta contact,” Adam said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Everything just went to hell after I dropped out. Not to mention Scott made it seem like no one cared about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one cared? I kept asking that son of a bitch how you were and if you were coming back!” Amanda said. “What a fucking piece of-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I punched him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scott was trying to make some kind of Jigsaw documentary and was harassing me about it. I finally decked him when he wouldn't stop. It was the best thing I ever did." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda leaned forward and clapped Adam on the back with a laugh. "Congratulations, Adam! It was about time someone put that asshole in his place! I'm glad you were the one to do it too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam chuckled some and looked back down at the box in front of him. He picked up the picture of him and his brother again. He wondered if Steven would be proud of him or would he be disgusted by how far his brother had fallen? Maybe once things started settling Adam would try to reach out again. Adam could imagine his brother now. He probably had a regular nine to five job, stable pay, maybe a girlfriend. At least one of them ended up having a normal life, but maybe it wasn’t too late for Adam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amanda?" Adam asked. "Do you think maybe you could..teach me some of this stuff? It seemed to help you so maybe it'll help me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda got up from the chair. "It's a huge commitment, Adam, but I was like you once. Everyone's gotta start somewhere." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ruffled his hair as she walked past him. Adam pushed her off as she laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Next week," Amanda said. "We start lessons."</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Metamorphosis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam’s sight went dark as Amanda placed a blindfold over his eyes. She began tying it behind his head as she hummed to herself. Adam could already begin to feel his nerves rising from the lack of sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is this supposed to help me again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes you can’t rely on your eyes. We work in the darkness. You need to be able to use all your senses to not only find your prey, but to protect yourself. Also, the mask is really hard to see out of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda finished tying the cloth blindfold and took a step back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be coming at you from different directions and you have to stop me before I hit you,” Amanda explained. “Understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, I think so,” Adam said. When he had asked for her help in training him, he honestly had not expected this kind of training. Adam had expected some kind of philosophy lesson or big heartfelt talk about how Amanda changed her life just by believing in some bullshit motto, not stealth training. Since they had started lessons, Amanda and Adam had been going to the local gym every morning and working out together, but today Amanda had taken them back to the meat packing plant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had to admit, the exercise was definitely helping him feel better both physically and mentally. Lawrence had said it had something to do with the endorphins making him feel better, but Adam believed it was actually being able to hang out with Amanda again. They had both lived hard lives since their college days, but it felt like nothing had changed between them. There were moments where they joked around, times where they had heart to heart talks about their struggles, and these more serious moments where Amanda buckled down and became Adam’s teacher. She seemed so determined to help Adam turn his life around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was still unsure about this whole apprentice thing honestly, but if Lawrence and Amanda both swore by it, then it had to work. John had been the reason that Adam’s life had begun to improve and Adam couldn’t deny that despite how much he still hated him for leaving him to die in that bathroom. If John really believed in giving everyone a second chance, then why had he left Adam there? Had he wanted to see if Adam could survive it? If so, why test him again with the reverse bear trap? Adam had tried to pry answers out of Amanda, but not even she could understand John’s reasons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The darkness was beginning to make Adam’s skin crawl. Already, he could feel the beginnings of a panic attack creeping up on him. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe and Adam’s mind was going blank. He wanted to take the blindfold off, but the rational part of his brain didn’t want to upset Amanda. She always took this training so seriously.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda?” Adam asked. “Amanda, I really don’t like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no response. He should have figured she wouldn’t respond. Once Amanda went into teacher mode, there was no getting through to her. Adam honestly feared her after seeing just what kind of power she now possessed. Amanda was strong enough to just about pick Adam up and carry him. She was fast and light on her feet, able to move quickly while crouched and hardly make a sound. She could be on you in a matter of seconds and have you subdued under her before you even knew what was happening. When had Amanda changed? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the sound of running and turned in that direction. He put his hands up in a feeble attempt to stop her, but Amanda barreled right into him knocking him onto the ground and pinning him. Adam struggled under her, but it was no use. He wasn’t strong enough to shake her off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again,” Amanda said, getting up off him. She helped Adam up and before he could protest another attempt, she disappeared again. Adam tried to listen for her, but he could only hear his heartbeat in his ears. The darkness was starting to take shapes in his vision. Blinding fear was gripping at his brain paralyzing him. Suddenly, he was tackled from behind causing Adam to scream. Amanda pinned him again, holding down his arms by the wrists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you even trying?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda, let me take the blindfold off!” Adam begged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not until you can deflect me,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda, please!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam felt Amanda’s weight shift as she started to sit up, her grip on his wrists released. Adam suddenly rolled his body over onto his back, rolling Amanda with him. He heard Amanda yell with surprise as she went down. Adam crawled away a few inches. He had to escape. He didn’t want to die! He heard Amanda’s body shift and Adam blindly kicked his foot out behind him. Amanda grunted as his foot made contact with her chest throwing her backwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam scrambled to his feet before he reached up and tore off the blindfold. The darkness disappeared and Adam’s sight returned, and with it returned his sanity. He threw the cloth aside as he panted looking around. He was still in the meat packing plant’s workshop. There was no bathroom or chains. He wasn’t in danger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Adam,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked over to see Amanda sitting up holding her chest. She had a look of pain on her face and Adam felt guilty for kicking her. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but she had blinded him. The guilt quickly was replaced with anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more blindfolds,” Adam said firmly. “Train me however else you want, but if you put me in blinding dark again, I will fucking gut you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d prefer if you did not gut my best student.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked over to see Lawrence wheeling in John. Adam gritted his teeth. Oh great, the great Jigsaw had arrived. Just what Adam needed right now. If he didn’t do something to distract himself, he knew it would end with him yelling and trying to punch John again and Adam wasn’t looking to upset Lawrence right now. He reached into his pocket and took out a cigarette putting it between his teeth. He lit it with a click of the lighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please do not smoke in here,” John said as Lawrence stopped them right in front of Amanda and Adam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam blew out smoke and glared at John. “Drop dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In time, Adam. In time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam rolled his eyes and walked over to one of the work tables and took a seat. Amanda walked over towards John and kneeled in front of him, the two of them talking quietly to each other. It honestly sickened Adam seeing Amanda brain washed by that fucking nut job. Amanda was an amazing woman and the Amanda that Adam knew didn’t need some old man to tell her how to live her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A gentle hand ran down the side of Adam’s face down to his chin, tilting his head up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright?” Lawrence asked. Adam leaned into the touch nodding. He put the cigarette back to his mouth taking a drag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just had a bad moment. I’m fine. Promise,” Adam mumbled into Lawrence’s hand. Lawrence bent over and placed a gentle kiss onto his forehead and Adam let out a hum of content. Already his anger was beginning to subside just from Lawrence’s calming presence. It was like he was the tranquil water to Adam’s raging fire. However, Lawrence could only keep Adam’s fury at bay for so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda tells me you attacked her during your training exercise,” John said. He shifted in his wheelchair keeping his eyes fixed on Adam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, Adam, how do you fit all that rage into such a tiny frame?” John asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s rage was immediately ignited as if John had thrown gasoline on the fire. Adam stood up, moving to go on the attack, but Lawrence grabbed his arm. Adam looked back at him only to receive Lawrence’s signature, “don’t do something stupid” look. Lawrence may have been able to stop the physical attack, but he couldn’t stop the verbal assault. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The</span>
  <em>
    <span> fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> is your problem? First you kidnap me and leave me to die, you kidnapped me AGAIN forcing me into another one of your fucked up games, and you just keep pushing me closer and closer to wanting to snap your fucking neck! I oughta go to the police and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s words caught in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you truly hate me so much, why not report me to the proper authorities? Or perhaps you could act on your impulses and end my life with any of the tools found here in the workshop, but you won’t do either of those things, will you, Adam?” John lifted his oxygen mask to his face and took in a slow breath before lowering it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps it is because you find you cannot will yourself to? Perhaps you find me of more importance than you want to admit to yourself, so you continue to fight it growing angrier and angrier until it consumes you. What do you believe will set you free of your anger, Adam? Yelling at me? Making others hurt? Please, tell me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam took another drag of the cigarette. He blew out the smoke through gritted teeth. Already he could feel the prickle hatred under his skin. He could feel John trying to worm his way into Adam’s brain to make him his puppet. John could try all he wanted, but Adam wasn’t a murderer. He wasn’t some sick freak like John was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna know what I think, John? I hate you with every fiber of my being. I hate how you get in my mind and under my skin when you talk to me, and I want you to just die already for what you did to us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me and Lawrence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, I heard about that. Congratulations to you both on your new found relationship. I’m very proud of you both for finding happiness,” John said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck do you care?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because all I want is for you to heal and be able to better your lives. That is why I do what I do. Do you not cherish your life, Adam? Do you find yourself grateful for the things you have now that you did not before?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I cherish is the fact I’m alive, no thanks to you! I did that for myself! I survived because I’m a fighter and always have been in this fucked up world and now I got someone to fight for and I’m not going to let you take that all away from me! This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucking life, motherfucker!” Adam yelled pointing his cigarette at John. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John simply smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, you don’t have to fight anymore,” John said. “No one here is expecting you to fight. Amanda may have gotten a bit excited in her teachings unknowingly. I know you’ve been expected to fight for a very long time. I’m not asking you to fight. I’m giving you a chance to rest. Your fight is over. You are your own man now and your father holds no power over your life. As you said, it is </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in Adam’s life, the fire inside him was completely put out. Adam stared at John, unable to speak. He slowly backed up and sat back down on the chair. It felt as if the answer he had been searching for had suddenly arrived on his doorstep unannounced. The pieces began falling into place, the picture finally unveiled before him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been trying to help me,” Adam said quietly. He looked over at John. “All of it. This whole time. The bathroom, the head trap. You really were trying to help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “Until we are able to shed our past lives, we cannot move forward and heal. Look around you, Adam. All of us have been reborn, just as you have.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda walked over and leaned on the back of Adam’s chair smiling. “Can’t live until you die a little, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked up at Lawrence, who offered his hand. Adam took it and stood up. The world around him felt like it wasn’t real, like he was walking through a dream. It was like when he had walked through the hospital hearing the voices of people after three days of isolation. Adam let his hand slip out of Lawrence’s as he walked over to John, kneeling down in front of him. John leaned forward in his wheelchair and gently placed a hand on Adam’s forehead as Adam shut his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>You don’t need to fight anymore. Your new life has just begun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam opened his eyes and looked up at John as John removed his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From here on, there is no turning back. Do you understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam nodded. “I understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John sat back in his chair. “Are you prepared to do what it takes to bring others to their new lives, just as we have done for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will give everything to me. Your faith. Your trust. Your dedication. You will carry on my legacy, my teachings, just as I have taught you. Now, get up. We must begin our work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam stood up, rising up as a new man. His fire was ignited inside him, but now it did not burn him. His fire burned for a new purpose now. Adam no longer wanted to burn those around him. Instead, he was determined to warm the hearts of those whose hearts had frozen over. He would find those who had lost their way and guide them to the light that Adam had not seen himself for the longest time. For the first time in years, Adam felt as if his life finally had purpose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had been reborn.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Insurance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay in posting! College work has increased and I didn't have time to edit</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lawrence could feel the cold creeping into his aching body after the long day of work at the hospital. Winter would soon be coming and it was already doing a number on him, especially for his right leg. It was sore most days and Lawrence would have to spend a half hour in the bath to help soothe it for the night. The thought of a nice hot bath and a cup of tea excited him. Perhaps he could try to convince Adam to join him. They both could do with a bit of self spoiling and relaxation. Lawrence reached into his coat and pulled out his keys, unlocking the door to the apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights were off and the cold had crept in. Lawrence shut the door behind him, but the cold persisted. He rubbed his hands together before moving to one of the lamps. Adam must have gone out with Amanda again and forgotten to turn the heat on. It wouldn't have been the first time something like this had happened. Adam had confessed to not having heat in his past apartment for quite a long time, so the idea of turning on heat just never occurred to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence didn’t mind having to do the small housekeeping things that Adam didn’t. It would still be a lovely night, even if he had to wait for his lover’s return. The only thing that worried him was the lack of a text from Adam. Adam’s paranoia always had him alerting Lawrence to his location whenever the two were apart. If he was off with Amanda, then he would be safe. Perhaps she had offered to text Lawrence and simply forgot? Once he got the place settled for the night, Lawrence would try to call them. He needed to calm his own nerves. He had his own paranoid thoughts after all. Lawrence turned on the lamp and a figure appeared in his peripheral vision.</span>
</p><p><span>He yelled in surprise and quickly moved back, ready to attack with his cane as a last resort. Instead of a burglar or a pig faced intruder, Lawrence was face to face with Adam. He was dressed in blue jeans and a white tee shirt soaked in blood. He was covered in dirt from head to toe and was barefoot. Adam’s eyes look empty and glazed over. His skin tinted a bluish grey as if he was slowly beginning to decay. Lawrence could see a cuff on his left foot with a chain that led back into the darkness.</span><span><br/>
</span> <span>There was no way that the man before him was his lover. </span></p><p>
  <span>“A-Adam?” Lawrence asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t come back,” Adam said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, what are you talking about? I’m right here-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You killed me, Larry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Adam, no! I brought back help!” Lawrence insisted. He moved closer to Adam. “I swear it! I brought help back! I begged for you to be saved! I promised you it would be okay, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence gently put a hand to Adam’s cheek. His skin was ice cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t I, Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s brows furrowed in anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You promised we’d be okay. I waited for you. How could you do this to me?” Adam grabbed Lawrence’s arms suddenly with a vice grip. “You murdered me, Lawrence!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Adam, I didn’t!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you do this to me? You murdered me!” Adam screamed. Lawrence tried to pull back, but Adam’s grip was too strong. His voice was getting louder and louder, pounding into Lawrence’s skull. Lawrence tried to shut his eyes and block out the sight, but he could still clearly see Adam’s horrible bloody image as he screamed. It remained clear as the apartment seemed to fall away behind him leaving only Adam’s rage and Lawrence’s guilt. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“YOU MURDERED ME!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence sat up in bed panting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The realization that it had only been a dream began to slowly trickle in as Lawrence steadied his breathing. He looked over to the other side of the bed to find Adam still sleeping peacefully, drooling on his pillow, unaware of Lawrence’s fright. Adam was still here. He was still alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence ran a hand through his own hair before looking over at the clock on the nightstand. It was four in the morning. He pushed the covers back and sat on the edge of the bed, already feeling better as the cold night air touched his overheating body. He needed to clear his head before he even attempted to go back to sleep or that image would continue to haunt him. Lawrence leaned down and slipped his prosthetic on before he stood up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence had only taken a few steps when he heard a quiet groan behind him. He looked back to find Adam slowly blinking his eyes as he ran his hand over the empty spot where Lawrence had once been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry..?” Adam asked, lifting his head a bit off his pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go back to bed, honey,” Lawrence whispered. “It’s alright, I’m just going to the bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam reached towards him with another sound of displeasure. “Don’t leave me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence took his hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m not leaving you, my dear. No matter what, I will always come for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam let his hand fall back down to the bed. “I know you would, Larry, and I’ll always wait for you. Be quick though, it’s cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pulled the covers up more and snuggled down into the bed. Lawrence watched for a moment before leaving the room and going to the bathroom. Lawrence flicked on the light and blinked as his eyes adjusted. Staring back at him in the mirror was a tired version of himself, a version that had seen unspeakable things and tried to move on. It was hard keeping his trauma to himself and away from Adam. He wanted to remain a strong figure for Adam to lean on, the order to Adam’s chaos. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only Lawrence was beginning to crack and his own demons were beginning to sneak out. Now that Adam had become part of John’s work, Lawrence found his anxiety heightened. Everything was now on the line. At any moment, Lawrence’s new life could once again be snatched away from him and Lawrence wasn’t sure he could start over again. Not without Adam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence sighed and turned the tap water on, splashing his face a few times. It was time to go back to bed, despite the nightmare being still fresh in his mind. If he didn’t hurry back, Adam would begin to worry and come looking for him. Lawrence dried his face and returned to bed, sliding in next to Adam. Adam snuggled closer and rested his head on Lawrence’s chest with a hum of contentment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry~” he purred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence wrapped an arm around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I broke my promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam took in a breath and pushed himself up. “Larry, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> save me, just like you promised. Look at us. We’re okay, just like you said. You’ve been makin’ me more okay than I have been in years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam ran his fingers through Lawrence’s blond hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aight, sugar bear, c’mere.” Adam laid down and patted his own chest. Lawrence snuggled closer and laid his head on Adam’s chest. Adam wrapped his arms around Lawrence hugging him close before kissing his forehead. They laid like this in silence for a few moments, Adam continuing to rub Lawrence’s back and place kisses on his forehead. Lawrence didn’t understand why Adam was so kind to him, especially after everything he had done. Lawrence had ruined his marriage, abandoned his daughter, and almost murdered Adam and left him to die. What was redeemable about him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears stung at Lawrence’s eyes as he held Adam tighter. Lawrence didn’t deserve his second chance and he definitely didn’t deserve Adam. Yet, here he was holding him, kissing him, loving him. Lawrence pushed his face into Adam’s chest as he began to cry. Adam gently kissed the top of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let it out, honey,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They may have both been broken men, but together they could survive. They had made it through the bathroom test together and now they would make it through the test of life. Lawrence had no idea what was coming for them, but he feared something was about to explode in their faces. John’s health was declining rapidly and Amanda had been getting sloppy in her work making unwinable games. He and Adam had been kept in the shadows, away from the actual work, but if they weren’t careful, all of them would suffer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, Lawrence would hold onto Adam as tightly as he could. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lawrence uncapped his highlighter and ran it over the paper before making a note on the side. He looked up at the computer monitors in front of him, each of them showing another view of security cameras placed around the meat packing plant. A game was being planned and Lawrence just about had all the research done. Now it was up to Amanda and Hoffman to create and build the traps. Lawrence was content with researching and doing all the medical work since he didn’t know the first thing about building things. Not to mention, he was one of Adam’s mentors and there was no way in hell Lawrence was letting Hoffman anywhere near Adam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoffman had been slowly becoming more and more unhinged and Lawrence feared that he was soon going to explode and become more trouble than he was worth. Of course, it wasn’t his decision to keep the detective. Mark Hoffman had been here before Lawrence had been after all. John called the shots and Lawrence would respect his decisions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence lifted his head from the files he was looking over as the sound of wheels squeaking caught his ear. He turned in his chair to see Amanda pushing John into the surveillance room. She stopped him in front of Lawrence before moving back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Amanda. You may leave now,” John said softly, waving his hand. Amanda hesitated a moment before leaving the room. Lawrence cleared his throat and shifted in his seat to look at John better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I do for you today, John?” Lawrence asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a job for you that matches your job description, Dr. Gordon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that is? I’ve already done medical work for you before, John.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are familiar with the idea of insurance policies?” John lifted his oxygen mask to his face and took in a breath, his cold eyes never looking away from Lawrence. Even now, Lawrence still feared those eyes. They were cold as steel and focused. There was no way of knowing what John could possibly be thinking at any given moment. After all, he knew the human mind better than any psychologist Lawrence had ever met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware of them, yes,” Lawrence replied with a nod. “I don’t know enough specific information to help you with one-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a different kind of insurance, Dr. Gordon. The details are not important now, but I just need to know that you will carry out my wishes when the time comes. I fear my time is coming to an end and my legacy will be left in your hands,” John said. He coughed a few times and took another breath of oxygen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-Me?” Lawrence stuttered. “What about Amanda? I thought she was supposed to carry out your legacy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to worry about her, Dr. Gordon. Amanda will make her own choices in time, I promise you. I’m not asking you to take my place, but simply making sure that an alternate plan is in place should the worst occur. You have too much at stake now to take on the task of continuing my work after all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence chuckled some. “John, there isn’t much at stake for me other than my own credibility at the hospital. You know that already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John tilted his head slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I..I don’t understand,” Lawrence said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John folded his hands over his lap. “Lawrence, do you think I am stupid?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No, sir. Not at all!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I watch the two of you when you work. Both of you are practically attached at the hip. I’ve seen the look in your eye when you look at him. Not to mention your animalistic protectiveness of him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The look?” Lawrence asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look at him as if no one else is there, as if he is the only thing in the world that matters. A look of true love. I know that look because I used to be just like you, Dr. Gordon. Whenever I was with Jill, it was like the entire world faded away. That’s something very rare, you know. Not many people get to experience true love.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence looked back at the files laying on the table in front of him. Was this all some mistake? Was he putting his new found life at risk? Maybe John thought Lawrence was stupid for joining up with him, or maybe he was trying to make Lawrence step down away from apprenticeship? If that was the case, why ask for his help in the future?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr. Gordon,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence looked back at John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t forget what you have. I trust you to do what is right. When the time comes, you will be provided with all the information that you need. Do I have your word?” John asked. Lawrence steadied his breathing before he nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely. I’ll do anything you ask of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Dr. Denlon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam’s heart hammered in his chest as the realization of what he was doing began to fully dawn on him. He had been following this woman for weeks now much like had done before with all the others. The only difference now was that he wasn’t being paid and the information he gathered was not being used against her as blackmail. Perhaps it was a little hypocritical of John to ask Adam to perform the task he was punished for, but who said John was a perfect saint? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe this had all been John’s way to converting Adam in order to use his skills for his own personal gain. Adam constantly battled his doubts about John’s kindness. He was his mentor and his actions had considerably improved Adam’s life, but John was also human. He was flawed like all the rest of them. He made mistakes too and could even go against his own teachings without realizing it in his pursuit to bring others into enlightenment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, the part of Adam that trusted John would always win the back and forth argument. After all, Adam had been worthless before John. He could have died and no one would even notice. Perhaps his brother would care, but it was a small drop of water in the bucket of life. He had purpose now. He could help people with his photography and information gathering. He could help change lives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now was his chance to prove himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was caught, this could very well be the end of everything John had created. It would not only get himself arrested for possibly the rest of his life, but would put Amanda and Lawrence in danger. John’s health was failing and Adam could already feel the tension in the air when he was in the workshop. Amanda would never admit it, but she knew John’s time was limited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The past six months had just been watching the kettle boil and soon it would explode in their faces. Perhaps this upcoming test would be that kettle whistle. It wasn’t Adam’s to worry about. His only job was to get the test subject and return to the meat packing plant. Amanda would soon arrive there to carry out the rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting into the hospital had been rather easy. With some assistance from Lawrence, Adam had made a fake janitor’s badge with his picture on it. If he just looked the part and acted as if he belonged, no one would question him. At least, according to Lawrence’s information of the place. Adam hadn’t believed that kind of trick would work on a hospital, but it had. With a flash of the badge, he had been able to get in without question. Someone was definitely gonna be fired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pressed up against the lockers of the breakroom trying to steady his rapid heartbeat. She would come in here sooner or later and then he would strike. Adam pulled on the latex pig mask and took in a breath. The smell of the mask calmed his nerves. If he didn't think about it, he could just pretend he was running drills with Amanda. He could do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came to the breakroom like Adam had expected, albeit a bit early. He was quick to lock her in so she couldn’t escape. Just follow the plan. Don’t chicken out. It would all fall into place like John had told him. Adam reached into his jeans pocket and uncapped the syringe.  He heard the sound of her typing into her phone now that she was locked in, trying to get in contact with someone to bust her out. She was coming around the corner now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam quickly moved from where he was crouched and pushed the needle into the doctor’s neck as she screamed. He quickly covered her mouth with his gloved hand and pushed down the plunger. Slowly, her body began to go limp and fall into Adam’s arms. Sweat began to collect on Adam’s brow as the inside of the mask grew hotter with his terrified breathing. He couldn’t take it off yet. Not until he was in the car safely and driving back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How the fuck was he going to get an unconscious adult woman out of a security heavy hospital? Especially when this particular doctor was a well known trauma surgeon and would quickly be missed when she didn’t arrive when called. Adam quickly looked around for anything that could help him. His eyes landed on a folded up wheelchair that was propped up against one of the walls. Perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam unfolded it and carefully pulled Lynn up so she was sitting in the wheelchair. He reached into his pocket again and took out a bit of satin cloth. He put it in her mouth and tied it behind her head. He’d have to tie her wrists to the wheelchair once he got to the car. Adam pushed the wheelchair towards the emergency exit in the back of the breakroom. He had worked on the sensor beforehand so it wouldn’t go off when opened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once outside, it was a clear shot to the car. Adam hurried pushing the wheelchair a bit fast, but his nerves were kicking in. He could easily be caught outside in the parking lot, especially since he was a guy in a pig mask pushing an unconscious woman in a wheelchair out of an emergency exit. Definitely not suspicious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam quickly put her in the back covering her with a blanket before he got into the driver’s seat. He removed the pig mask, gasping against the fresh air and threw it aside. Adam panted looking forward at the hospital before looking in the rearview mirror at the lump now laying in the back seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” he said. “Holy shit, I kidnapped someone!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the preparation and plans suddenly abandoned him and Adam was left reeling. Blind panic kicked in and Adam’s breathing increased. The realization of the situation was now hitting full force and he could not block it out like before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had kidnapped a woman. Adam kept looking back at the lump as if Lynn would suddenly wake up at any moment. What if Adam was caught? What if he was pulled over and questioned? What if they were already calling the cops and they already knew it was him? Adam couldn’t think properly. He reached over opening the glove compartment and fished out his phone. He flipped it open and quickly went to the speed dial calling the first number. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” A calm voice asked on the other end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lawrence,” Adam whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, what’s wrong?” Lawrence’s voice immediately went serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I..Fuck, I kidnapped her, Larry! Holy shit, what the fuck am I doing?” Adam ran a hand through his hair as he looked around the parking lot. “I’m gonna get arrested and locked up for the rest of my life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, did anyone see you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so. I was wearing the mask just like I was told, but Larry what if someone saw and I didn’t know? What if they see me on security cameras? What if-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen to me, Adam. Start the car and drive back to the meat plant. Don’t do anything else. Just drive back and drive normally, okay? I’ll be there to pick you up and Amanda will handle the rest. It’ll be alright. I promise. Can you do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam nodded, despite Lawrence not being able to see it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah I can do that. I can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good boy. I’m proud of you. We’ll get take out tonight to celebrate. I love you, Adam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Larry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended and Adam pulled the phone away. He slowly closed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do that,” he repeated to himself. “Yeah, I can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned the key starting the car.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Adam was still trembling lightly as they pulled into the parking lot in front of the apartment. He hadn’t said a word since he and Lawrence had left the meat packing plant. Adam had been quick to turn the woman over to Amanda to rid himself of the responsibility. He had spent the entire car ride home trying to separate her from him in his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew Dr. Denlon was a real person, but if he continued to think of her as anything other than “the woman”, he’d be unable to stop himself from going back and freeing her. He supposed that this was what Dr. Denlon and Lawrence must have thought when dealing with their patients. Especially since they both saw people in the worst moments of their lives. Only Adam was creating the worst moment of Lynn’s life, not trying to fix it like the doctors did. He was helping her to fix her life, to be reborn, but until then it would only be pain and agony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked over towards Lawrence, who reached over and gently held Adam’s face, running his thumb over his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's alright now. You did good. It’s over now and we can just forget about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, what’s going to happen to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll be tested, but she’s going to help John. He needs medical attention and Amanda and I agreed that Dr. Denlon is the best surgeon to help him. I know she’ll be able to help. Once she does, she walks away completely safe and unharmed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence, is there anyway that I could help?” Adam asked. Despite the words of comfort, Adam wasn’t put at ease. If anything happened to Lynn, it would be entirely his fault. He had to know that she would make it out safe like Lawrence said. Adam wasn’t sure he’d be able to relax until he knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, you know we can’t help. We stay behind the scenes,” Lawrence said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why though? If we’re his apprentices too, why can’t we help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are helping. You and I would be in too much danger if we worked actively like Amanda. It keeps us and the legacy safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck are we in danger from? The world knows about John already, but they don’t know about any of us! John’s fucking bedridden, Lawrence. If we don’t act with Amanda, the legacy will die with John! How the hell is that helping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not the world that we’re in danger from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it?” Adam demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark Hoffman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s eyebrows scrunched up with confusion as he stared at Lawrence. He couldn’t be fucking serious, right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark Hoffman?” Adam repeated. Lawrence nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Douche detective, stick up his ass, Mark Hoffman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence nodded again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like he’s always smelling something bad, sassy ass, Mark Hoffman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What other Mark Hoffman do you know, Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, he’s an apprentice too. Why the hell would he be a threat to us? Next you’re going to tell me to fear Amanda. Which, I do, but mostly because I know that if I insult her, she probably could be crawling through my window in about twenty minutes to kick my ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, she lives on the other side of town.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda can run REALLY fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence rolled his eyes and opened his door getting out of the car. Adam followed and the conversation was momentarily dropped as they went inside. It was only when the door shut behind them and the lock was turned that Adam picked up the conversation once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, back to Hoffman,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, please-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck is he a threat? I mean, maybe he’s stronger than me physically, but he’s like also one of John’s lap dogs? He and Amanda are his right and left hand basically with you being an extension of his brain and me being like his eyes or some shit. I don’t know. This metaphor is weird, but you get my point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence walked back towards their room as Adam continued rambling on. None of this made sense and he wanted answers. Granted, a lot of this Jigsaw stuff still didn’t make sense to him. It seemed like the others just blindly followed faithfully while Adam questioned almost everything. A doubter among the religious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence sat on the bed with a tired sigh. He reached down and unlaced his shoes before slipping them off. Adam watched, his words halted as Lawrence settled in. For a moment, he was distracted by his problems as he watched Lawrence. He looked so tired, so worn from stress and from the life he had been leading up until now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How much had Lawrence gone through to protect Adam? How much had he done to better Adam’s life after learning that he had survived their test? Lawrence had served as Adam’s one on one therapy when group meetings had proved to be too much stress. He had paid his hospital bill. He had moved Adam into his current apartment after learning of his eviction. Lawrence didn’t have to do any of this, yet he had chosen to hold onto Adam and help keep his head above water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what had Adam done in return?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What had he given the doctor for all his kindness? Doubt and questions? Another burden for him to bear? He had nothing to give in return and all he was doing was taking from Lawrence. Adam sighed and took a seat on the bed next to Lawrence, leaning on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Lawrence said softly. “What’s on your mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam shrugged. Lawrence shifted to face Adam, taking one of his hands in his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, I just, I don’t know. Look, none of this still quite makes sense to me yet and I just kidnapped someone. That woman could be dead tonight and it would be entirely my fault!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence pulled Adam close, trying to comfort him. Adam leaned into his hold, resting his head on the doctor’s shoulder. The comforting smell of Lawrence filled Adam’s nose and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t calm him down. Lawrence’s arms felt like home. Lawrence was the only constant in their life filled with murder and secret second lives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is perhaps one thing, but I had hoped we wouldn’t need it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence got up grabbing his cane. Adam stood up and instinctively offered Lawrence his arm, to which the doctor accepted. He led Adam to the office and took a seat in his desk chair. The keys clicked as Lawrence typed in the password logging into the computer. Soon, he pulled up a window that brought up another log-in screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence typed in the information. “Did you really think I was going to let this test go on without my supervision? Especially one that involves medical practice on our mentor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The window changed and multiple different boxes with camera footage appeared on the computer monitor. Adam squinted moving closer to try and make out what each of these views contained. Each one seemed darkly lit, except for two that showed the workshop and John’s private room inside the old freezer. He could see John laying there, talking to Lynn who was still in the wheelchair that Adam had put her in. Amanda stood behind her, placing some kind of bulky collar around her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Adam whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“John may be my mentor, but he does not control my life or my choices,” Lawrence said. “You can watch this if you’re so worried about the test, but I doubt anything much will happen. At least, not with Dr. Denlon. Her husband on the other hand,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked over to the camera view that Lawrence had turned his attention to. It was focused on the suspended box that Adam knew an unconscious Jeff was inside. Soon, he’d wake up and his trial would begin alongside his wife’s. Adam prayed that somehow Jeff and Lynn would be able to pass their tests and that all of them would be able to go home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God he hoped they lived.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Slaughter of the Pig</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this chapter and the next will have a cross over with Insidious because of Specs and I'm unsure whether to list this fic as crossover now or not since it's not the entire fic.</p><p>Just giving a warning now about the crossover! Promise it won't be for the entire rest of the fic, but we need some good twin time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam watched the camera feed throughout the night. He left now and again to eat and try to calm the sickening guilt in his stomach. At times, Little Bastard sat on his lap while Adam’s eyes remained glued to the screen. Jeff had to let go and forgive those he saw as guilty for the death of his son. It was a test just like all the others. In Adam’s eyes, most of those people were completely innocent, but it was Jeff’s choice to make.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam watched as Jeff let his own anger consume him, letting the first girl freeze to death. He had made an attempt near the end to get the key to her freedom, but it had been much too late. It was a sad sight. He showed promise upon saving the judge. Adam had expected Jeff to let the bastard drown after seeing his last performance. It was odd watching Jeff’s trial. For a moment, it felt as if Adam was simply watching a horror movie and not a real man’s trial of rebirth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, Adam was beginning to zone out while the events played out in front of him. He was becoming lost in his own thoughts again both about this whole Jigsaw mess and about where life would potentially go now that Adam was an official accomplice in these murders. That’s what they were really. It was assisted murders. Adam believed in the rebirth, but he saw the trial for what it was. A life had to be lost in order for rebirth to occur. A life for a life. For some, it meant the death of another in place of your own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For Adam, it was borrowed time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of his cell phone ringing brought Adam back to reality. Little bastard screeched in surprise and jumped off Adam's lap running out of the room. Who the hell would be calling him? Lawrence was in the other room, he and Scott didn't talk anymore, and he hardly talked to Steven since both of them were busy with their separate lives. Adam picked up his phone looking at the number.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Amanda </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>What was she calling him for? Adam looked back over at the security footage. He scanned each box until he found Amanda standing in a hallway on her cellphone. She looked upset. Adam looked back to the phone and flipped it open answering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amanda?" Adam asked</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Adam, Adam listen to me. You and Lawrence aren't safe," Amanda said. She sounded like she was crying. Adam sat up more in his chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you mean? What's going on?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's Hoffman. He..I can't tell you, but I have to kill Dr. Denlon."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, Amanda hold on! You can't kill her! That breaks the rules of the entire game! It's not a fair chance!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I have to, Adam. Don't trust Detective Hoffman. No matter what he says or does. Please, Adam, you and Lawrence have to continue this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you talking about? Amanda, it's going to be okay-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You and Lawrence have to stay safe. Don't let him know about you. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amanda-!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line went dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pulled the phone away from his ear and looked back over to the footage. Amanda was heading back towards the workshop. Lynn was going to die and it was because of Hoffman tampering with the game. Adam had no idea why the bastard would want to sabotage it. If Lynn died, it would be Adam's fault for putting her in that situation. He would be leading her to her death with no chance of her survival. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to do something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Lawrence!" Adam yelled, turning in his chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Lawrence called back from the other room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get your ass in here! We have a problem!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a few minutes before Lawrence came shuffling into the room. He was trying to hurry, but could only move so fast with a prosthetic and cane. He stopped behind Adam’s chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lynn is going to die,” Adam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence looked over at the computer screen. “She looks fine to me, and if she fails her test then that’s her own choices-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Lawrence! Her test is rigged!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rigged? What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean rigged! Unwinnable! Hoffman is sabotaging the test, Lawrence! We have to do something! We have to-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We don't have to do anything, Adam. This is not our business."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes it is! If we just let this happen then we are turning against John's legacy! Everyone gets a chance, Lawrence! Everyone gets a shot at life!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is not our call, Adam! We don't choose who lives or dies! We are not God!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam gritted his teeth. "Why are you so against this, Larry? Why won't you help her? Mark is trying to dismantle everything we built-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You didn't build anything, Adam! Neither did I!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why won't you do the right thing?" Adam shouted in anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because I'm not losing you too!" Lawrence yelled.  The room fell quiet as the two stared at each other. Lawrence’s eyes were firm as he kept eye contact. Lawrence was scared. Adam could see it in his eyes. All they had left were each other and Lawrence was desperate to hold onto Adam. The sentiment did warm Adam’s heart, but he knew he had to act.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least, come look at the footage?” Adam offered, trying to get Lawrence to budge. Maybe if he saw what was going on, he’d be more agreeable to Adam’s idea of intervening. Lawrence gripped his cane tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned back around in his chair to face the monitor. However, as soon as Adam’s eyes hit the screen, his blood ran cold. Amanda stood there in the fridge, a gun pointed on Lynn. John was saying something to her, but she would not look over at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda, no!” Adam shouted at the screen.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,” Lawrence pointed at another camera. Jeff was moving in on the workshop. He was armed with a pistol. Where in God’s name did he get a fucking gun? Adam pulled on his hair in disbelief. They had to do something! They had to get to the meat plant before-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>BANG!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda fired on Lynn, her head turned away. Lynn fell into Jeff’s arms and in a quick motion, Jeff fired on Amanda hitting her right in the throat. She grabbed her bleeding throat falling backwards into a cabinet. Her wide eyes looked up at John fearfully as he looked back at her. She sunk down to the ground and grew still as blood continued to run from the bullet wound onto the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No..” Adam whispered. His eyes were locked on the scene before him, unable to look away as tears began to run down his cheeks. Amanda Young, his best friend and mentor, was dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was all Adam’s fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put the game in motion by kidnapping Lynn. He argued with Lawrence rather than hurrying down to the meat plant after Amanda called him. Amanda could have lived if Adam had actually done something instead of sitting here staring at a computer monitor. Lawrence moved Adam aside and began doing something on the computer, but Adam hardly paid attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was gone. Amanda was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence said something about having to leave, that it was getting too dangerous, but Adam barely made out the words. It wasn’t until Lawrence pulled him into the bedroom and sat Adam down on the bed that Adam started coming back to reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, if what you said really is true, we need to get out of the city for a while,” Lawrence said. “It’ll be much too dangerous for us now. Is there anywhere that you know of that is safe and low profile?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s mind was blank as he tried to process what he had seen and what Lawrence was telling him. He wasn’t thinking about low profile or their own safety. His mind continued to replay the image of Amanda in his mind and for the first time in quite awhile, Adam was scared. He was scared to the point of wanting to hide away, holding onto someone who would protect him. The words slipped out of his mouth without a second thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My brother, Specs. His place is safe. It’s away from here. Can we go there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence nodded. “Yeah, we can go there. Call him while I start to pack.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pulled his phone out his pocket with a trembling hand and dialed Steven’s number. Thank God for the speed dial. The screen was blurry amongst his tears. Adam lifted the phone to his ear listening to the ring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?” The voice was near identical to his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steven, something happened.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Trembling hands took the tea cup as Adam tried his hardest not to break down. Steven kneeled down in front of him after handing him the cup of tea. He gently ran a hand up Adam’s left arm and took hold of his shoulder. Without a word, Steven gently bumped their foreheads together. It was hard not to break down in tears now that he was in the comforting hold of his twin, but there were so many things Adam couldn’t say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence had packed them up immediately and soon they were in the car headed for Steven. The two hours in the car were silent except for the radio and Little Bastard’s noises as he curiously tried to explore the car, despite Adam keeping a hold on him. Now they sat in the living room of the little house that Steven was living in with Tucker and some old woman they had befriended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had been kind enough to allow them to live with her and now she allowed Adam and Lawrence to stay without even asking for their reason. If Specs said it was important, then she would trust his word and allow them to stay. The old woman came into the room and handed Lawrence his own tea cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was your name again?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Dr. Lawrence Gordon, Adam’s boyfriend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Elise. It’s very lovely to meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It still sounded weird hearing Lawrence call himself Adam’s boyfriend. Was it right to call Lawrence his boyfriend when he was older than him? What else did you call someone you were dating? Significant other worked, but it sounded so disconnected to Adam. Adam tried to shake the thoughts from his mind. That wasn’t what he needed to be focusing on right now. There were more important matters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Specs,” Adam said quietly. He looked up to lock eyes with Steven. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my brother, Adam. No matter what, I’m always here for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this thing is hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The twins looked over towards Tucker, who was holding Little Bastard under his front legs. The possum still had on his little harness and leash for easy grabbing, just in case Elise was uncomfortable with the possum’s presence. Little Bastard squeaked, wriggling in Tucker’s hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bring him here,” Adam said. Tucker brought the possum over and handed him off. Little Bastard snuggled into Adam’s lap happily. Adam ran his hand over his back comfortingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,” Specs said softly. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember Amanda?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amanda Young? From college?” Specs asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn't she that girl who survived the Jigsaw killer?” Tucker asked. “Heard about her on the news. Isn’t she wanted by police now cause she apparently works for the sick fuck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tucker-” Specs scolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s voice was barely above a whisper, cracking at the end from the pain the words gave him. Saying it out loud made him realize just how real this was. This wasn’t some nightmare that Adam could wake up from. All the time apart since college, being able to reunite with her, having a genuine friend who cared about him. He should have done something. Amanda was dead. John was dead. All that remained was him and Lawrence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s found family had almost been completely killed in one night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one said anything more. Adam was honestly glad for that. He didn't want to hear their apologies and empty words of sympathy. They didn't understand the cause of her death and they never would. They would never know how she had been wronged by someone they had trusted as an ally. Adam glanced over at Lawrence. The look in his eyes seemed to say that he understood Adam's thoughts even though Adam had not said a single word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence sat his tea on the side table and got up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think that's enough talk for now. Thank you, Elise, for your hospitality. I believe I speak for us both when I say we are truly grateful, but I think it's time we went and rested." Lawrence hobbled over to Adam and held out his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam shifted Little Bastard to one arm and took Lawrence's hand with the other getting up. Specs stood up as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tell me if you need anything. Either of you. I mean it. Anything at all," Specs said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, Steven. We'll make sure to let you know." Lawrence nodded slightly before he squeezed Adam's hand and turned walking out of the room with him heading towards the spare bedroom that they would be sharing. What would happen to them now? Would they be forced into hiding for the rest of their lives? What about the legacy? What about John? How could Adam say his goodbyes to his mentor without immediately revealing who he truly was to the public eye?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam felt sick to his stomach as another wave of tears clouded his vision. He squeezed Lawrence’s hand. Lawrence was all that was left. Lawrence was the only good in this world and Adam would be damned if he was going to let anything happen to him. They’d figure this mess out together, just like they always did. As long as Adam had Lawrence, he would make it. They’d carry on together and finish what John had started. Amanda and John would live on through them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was sure of it.</span>
</p>
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